2009

There's a week of 2009 left. And I can say, I am glad 2009 is almost over. Looking back over it, I can say that I thorough enjoyed the 2009 baseball season. I love all the new friends I've made through the Dodger caravan, autograph signings, the 51 regular season home games, 2 road games, and 3 play-off games. 2009 has been an incredible season and I am thankful for that. Especially since I don't know what to expect for 2010, since I am unemployed. I can't thank JoAnna, Cat, Pat, Roberto, Ernie, Miguel, Mickey, Linda, Kenneth, Robert (both of them), Cari, Stacey, Kristin, Laurie, Michael, Rudy, and anyone else I may have missed to making 2009 such an amazing experience for me. It's hard to believe I've only known JoAnna for two years and Cat for less than a year. I can't imagine going to a game and not seeing the same people every game. I look forward to every handshake and every hug and every smile. It has become more than just going to a baseball game. It has become more than just seeing the players. And for that, I am very thankful.

Why?

Why is everything I do ridiculous? Why is it the things that hurt me are hysterically funny to you? Why is it you can share your pain and your hurt but I can't even get a word in edgewise when I want to talk about something that's hurting me? And when I do get to say something about what I'm going through, you laugh about it. You find it hysterically funny. You find something that causes me to stay up all night or cry myself to sleep something to laugh about. Why does it always have to be about you? Why is it when it's everyone else agree to something, except for you, we have to change it? Yet, when I don't agree, I have to keep quiet and go along so everyone else will be happy? Why is it the things I like and are interested in are stupid or not interesting? Yet, the things you like and find interesting HAVE to be liked and found interesting. Why does everything have to go your way? Why is it that I'm always left alone or forgotten or neglected or left out? But we can't do a thing without your opinion, your decision, or your presence. Why do you think I keep your at an arm's length? And when I say arm, I mean like an octopus' arm. Why do you think I've been pulling away?

When you've hit rock bottom

You think things can't get any worse right? Well, they usually do. And it's usually when you're least expecting it. And there's only one thing left in life that you're holding onto ... yet you're still tempted to throw it all away. Why? Because it's the last thing you have. Yet, because it's the last thing you have, you cling to it even more tighter. Because if you don't have it ... what else is there? Then you tell yourself that things are going to get better ... and okay so things calm down for a little while ... and then the storm breaks all over again and we're back to where we were before. A mess. Broken. Two words for you. Life sucks.

You know it's not good ...

... when you get home and there's broken furniture on the lawn...

... when the living room is trashed ...

... when there's a car backing quickly out of the driveway ...

.... when that same car comes back and is followed by a clanging/banging sound in the backyard ...

... when you know you're not going to get any sleep at all