Friday, March 30, 2007
Another new thing that was added awhile back was a counter. I was looking at it and found out how to see where some people are reading my blog from. I have international visits! How cool is that? There was one from the UK, China, India... just to name a few. It just gives the location... sometimes, not all the time. No other information other than that. After reading "The Cubicle Next Door," I was curious about how many people actual visit my blog. I'm quite discouraged because I always think no one's reading it and no one's commenting on it. Then again, some of the entries are fluff pieces and others are just way too long. Does anyone actually read everything?
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Do you know what that means?
I wish I had a picture of this particular cone, so you'd know what I mean. The one I have posted is very similar, if not the one I'm looking for.
Oh yeah, what does it mean? LoL. I got distracted. You'll see.
This afternoon, about 6:30, I was driving down Riverside Drive (towards the LA church, for those of you who are familiar with my daily routine). As I am driving under the 5 freeway overpass(?), I notice a very familiar looking road sign sitting on a cone. Why is it familiar?
It comes out whenever there's a Dodger game. And living as close as I do to Dodger Stadium, it's a VERY familiar sighting. According to Google maps, I live 2.7 miles away from Dodger Stadium. 2.4 or 2.1 according to Expedia. So... let's just say I live an average of 2.4 miles from it. The directions they gave me is the way I take to go to Chinatown. For Dodger Stadium, I'd go the other direction. Don't know which one has less traffic though. Why? Well, guess how many Dodger games I've been to. I'll post the answer in a comment later if anyone wants to guess.
Opening Day for the Dodgers is still two weeks away. Tonight was the first of three exhibition games against the Anaheim Angels. The first two of the Freeway Series are played at Dodger Stadium, and the last one at Anaheim stadium.
Highlights from tonight's Dodger broadcast - from KFWB 980 AM
Every time I hit the ball, I get wet. - a baseball player in Chicago
They were talking about how the baseballs now have something in them to deal with the humidity in the air.
They were talking about how it was surprising that this one player had x amount of homeruns. Or someone had said it was surprising. It had to do with his weight/height... They joked about the player's height depending on the height of the phone book he was standing on at the time of the weighing and height(ing?). Then if a player was too short, they'd add inches and if they were too tall they'd take away some. Ex: "So, how tall are you?" "5'9"." "Okay, 5'11" then"
The Angels have made their third triple play this spring season.
"He already had the hat trick. He's going for the going for the Golden Sombrero." On Angels' first baseman Hillenbrand who was still in the game. They were speculating that either he needed extra batting practice (after flying out at his previous three at-bats). I think at this point, most of the players on the field weren't on the field when the game started two hours ago. Since it's an exhibition game, almost anyone can play.
9:28 Mike Lieberthal - collision at home plate - awww! Reminds me of when Chase Utley ran over Russ last year...
9:34 awww poor Mike. One collision with more close calls. The radio broadcasters are "picking" on him tonight. Sort of.
9:36 "We've got names and numbers that do not match." The score doesn't match either. 6-1, Angels winning.
9:38 Start of the bottom half of the eight inning
9:42 - The announcer is still teasing Mike. He said Mike hasn't played the whole game, but tomorrow in the whirlpool he's going to feel like he did. After all... he did have a violent collision at home plate. A photographer just got hit I think... 3rd base dugout. Photographer had her hand on the railing and the ball hit her hand. They're teasing her, saying she's acting like a big leaguer, pretending it doesn't hurt.
9:46 PM - Top of the ninth inning - Takaishi Saito comes out of the bull pen. Let's see if this Closer can save the game. Well... it's up to him to not give up anymore runs. After all, it's 6-1. The way the Dodgers and Angels have been playing, doesn't look like the Dodgers can earn 5+ runs in the bottom of the ninth. Don't think they can pull off another night like September 18th. Gotta save that magic for later in the season.
9:58 PM - Game over. Angels win the first of the three exhibition games (AKA Freeway Series). The second game is tomorrow night at 7:40 (good luck for those traveling on the 5 freeway trying to get to Friday night's bible study). The third game is on Saturday night at Angel Stadium.
Estimated crowd: 21,841 (or was it 12,841? The second one almost sounds more likely. Maybe I should've gone.)
Didn't expect a summary of tonight's Dodger game, did you? Sadly, Russ only had two at-bats and didn't get a run or a hit. The Dodgers only scored one run and had 5 hits.
Now that the game is over, I can eat!
Okay, I know this entry is a little long. Just bare with me. Then again, does anyone really read this? Apparently this blog does get visits. Apparently from all over the world too!
Congratulations to Nomar and Mia! Their twins arrived "healthy and over five pounds" on Tuesday!
The Associated Press
LOS ANGELES -- Former soccer star Mia Hamm, wife of Dodgers first baseman Nomar Garciaparra, has delivered twin girls.
"Both are healthy and over five pounds," Dodgers spokesman Josh Rawitch said, adding the births took place late Tuesday in the Los Angeles area.
Rawitch said Garciaparra flew from Florida to witness the births, but was in the air when the babies were born.
"He was on a speaker phone with the delivery room speaking with Mia during the births," Rawitch said.
Garciaparra went straight to the hospital upon arriving in Los Angeles to be with his wife.
Rawitch said he didn't know when Garciaparra would rejoin the Dodgers, who open a three-game Freeway Series against the Los Angeles Angels on Thursday night at Dodger Stadium. The team flies to Milwaukee on Sunday for Monday's season opener against the Brewers.
"We expect to see him sometime this weekend," Rawitch said.
Garciaparra, who won two American League batting championships while playing for the Boston Red Sox, joined the Dodgers last season and was the National League Comeback Player of the Year. He signed with the Dodgers after playing 1 1/2 seasons for the Chicago Cubs.
Hamm led the U.S. women's team to two World Cup titles and two Olympic gold medals. She was a near-unanimous selection to the National Soccer Hall of Fame last month.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
.... is the book I spent all night last night reading. It was cute. It's by Siri L. Mitchell. What's it about? Well, let's say it's a romantic comedy book I got at the Lighthouse (our former local Christian retailer) during their store liquidation sale. The Lighthouse in
ANYWAY, back to the book. It's about this girl, Jackie Pert Harrison, who works for the Air Force Academy. She doesn't like it when she finds out her office space is going to be divided into two cubicles because the new instructor, Lt. Col. Joseph Gallagher, didn't have an office. At first, Jackie finds any reason at all not to like "Joe." But, he finds any reason at all to spend time with her. Jackie, like many of us, keeps an online blog. But hers is strictly anonymous. She tries not to give any hints to her name and where she lives. When she starts writing about sharing her office with "John Smith," her blog popularity goes up. So far up that her blog is featured on TV. Even Joe starts reading it and asking Jackie questions about the blog. Jackie tries her best to keep him from knowing that "TCND" (The Cubicle Next Door) is actually her. It's cute and filled with funny parts here and there. This is where I'm going to stop summarizing and give you a few of my favorite lines.
It was only the twinkle in his eye that kept me from flipping the contents of his tray onto his lap.  Jackie
“These are not pajamas. I happen to be wearing my purse.” Joe, on his flight suit. 
“A pair of skis like that? I’d sooner let my only child run away to
I used to wonder what God would give me if he ever thought I needed a thorn in my side. Now I knew for sure: Joe.  Jackie after Joe shows up on her doorstep
I didn’t have to see them to know that the pictures were. Their granddaughters. They were shameless. All of them.  Jackie, upon seeing Joe surrounded by her grandmothers' best friends (and their wallets)
If people aren’t going to go to the trouble to knock on a door, then why do they say the words?  Jackie, when Joe says "knock, knock" after his poker game with the ladies
It was hard to yell at someone you were trying to get away from.  Jackie
“I don’t know whether to be impressed with your knowledge, cheer your chutzpah, or strangle your cute little neck.”  Joe – after a security guard and Jackie made a fuss over her water bottle - she couldn't bring it in, so she drank the whole thing in front of him - and he still wouldn't let her bring the bottle in
“I’m going to kill you.” Jackie
“Could you at least wait until after the Coffin Race?” Joe 
I was supposed to be dead. Boy, I’d really screwed that up.  At the Coffin Race
By the end of the day, we’d almost won, I’d almost lost my voice, and I’d almost decided to let Joe live.  Jackie at the end of the Coffin Race
“Put them together at the tails and pretend you’re a duck. You’ll be able to go wherever you want to.” Jackie
“Quack, quack.” Joe  Jackie telling Joe how to “jog” in skis
It’s a lot easier to pretend someone doesn’t exist when they don’t contact you. 
Something that was rusting through the brush. I hoped it wasn’t a bear. But what else would you expect on Black Bear Trail? 
It would be nice to know if the bear really were 20 feet long. What else would make so much noise moving through the forest?
He burst into my clearing, cheeks ablaze, eyes aflame. "Just how many kinds of stupid are you?" 
“I thought you were a bear.” [Jackie]
“Is that why you threw this at me?” He walked toward me, holding out my half-eaten energy bar. 
He’d always been listening. Since the very beginning. To the other hundred things I was too afraid to say. 
I wondered what he’d do if I were to lay my sandwich down and claim his lap as my own. 
And while Dimple Joe is cute, Serious Joe is devastating. 
Two Sundays ago, we went to Coldstone's Creamery after evening service. When I was paying for my order and Nina/Harold's, the credit card machine ran out of receipt roll. So, the cashier replaces it and asks me for my card again so he could swipe it. I asked him if I was going to be charged twice, and he says no, because the first time it ran out of paper and wouldn't have gone through. Now, a voice in the back of my head said I should've asked him to double-check. I have worked with the same type of credit card machines at my aunt's restaurant and whenever the receipt roll ran out in the middle of a transaction, I had to void the said transaction and start a new one.
Lo and behold, almost a week later, I check my account online and voila! I was charged twice! Now, instead of calling Coldstone's and dealing with them, I just e-mailed my bank. And the that's the reply I got. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 90 calendar days? 5 business days? Just for a measly 8.08?
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
I can't get out of my room!
Well, I can ... with a lot of work and effort
Monday, March 26, 2007
It's not a music video of the song by the Newsboys, but a mash-up... sort of. If my understanding of a mash-up is right, this is one. It's basically the song put with video and still images. How they got some video images with Bryan in it, I'm not sure. It certainly wasn't Jody or Paul. Bryan has a very distinct way of playing the guitar. I was looking at the video and saw it ... and i was like ... heyyy that's Bryan! It's funny cuz the video has clips from the Thrive DVD and the Shine DVD, basically their performances at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and One Night in Pennsylvania. It also incorporates recent pictures they have up at their website. Quite interesting that even though there's only four members left (Pete, Paul, Jeff, and Duncan)... the video also shows three former members (Phil, Bryan, and Jody). What's funnier is I'll see the video clip and know which performance it's from and even what's going on. They also have some images from the bonus features on the Thrive DVD. And I know what's going on there. See ... I am a Newboys Freak.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
First of all... who's dumb enough to try to pass off a red square parking slip when the new slips are rectangular and blue. Second of all... that's pressing your luck that the cadets aren't checking and are smart enough to notice that you have a parking pass from 10 years ago. They do check! I should know. My parking pass fell off one day and I got a ticket for it! I showed them my parking pass which I paid $64 for. I was not going to pay a $25 tickets for not having my $64 parking pass which I did have! Oooh I still get mad when I think about it. Third of all, it would make more sense if the machines were still giving out the red ones. Since they raised the daily permit to two dollars, they've changed all the machines. Now they all give the same ones.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
After I finished doing the return, she wanted to check the receipt to make sure I did it correctly. She complained about Gap and another store how they charge you something when you make a return. oh and get this. She comments on my English. She told me I speak English very well. Me thinking: yeah, I should, after twenty years of schooling (well, not quite twenty, but you get the point). She asks me if I was born here. Later my boss said to me in private, those kind of questions are unnecessary and that kind of information is none on her business. We think she has been in our store before and asked our other assistant manager about her ethnic background as well.
Thankfully, my lunch break was next. That experience needed some time to recover from. Phew. She was one scary lady. Though ... I have to say the weirdest customer I've had was the lady who came in only wearing her bra, underwear, and a bathrobe that wasn't even closed all the way. EWWWW!
On a brighter note, during one of my coworkers' breaks, she went to Sweet Factory and got me and my boss a bag of chocolate covered almonds. She also insisted on getting us some smoothies. How sweet of her!
Friday, March 16, 2007
Creep #1: a guy I knew but didn't like very much. He was always socking me in the arm for a greeting. Asked me out online. I said no. Later, I heard he got in trouble for *something*
Creep #2: not so much a creep. Just weird. I was walking down the street by my college one day. I walked past this Ford dealership, went two blocks, was crossing a street when this guy called out to me. He asked me if I knew the area because he just moved there and was looking for another place to live. He was currently living with a friend. He goes on to ask me out. I'm surprised and flattered, but cautious and weirded out. After all, he followed me for 2 1/2 blocks. I tell him I generally don't go out with guys I don't know. He says, he understands. Proceeds to give me his name and phone number. Says if I would like to get to know him better to give him a call. I warn him that I'll probably lose his number in my room. Which I did for about three months.
Creep #3: after a gospel choir concert, our choir went out to eat at a restaurant in Pasadena. Afterwards, I walked two/three blocks to go meet my dad. By this time, it's past midnight. I see this car drive past, make a U-turn and pull up in front of me. Guy asks me if I needed a ride home. Told him my dad was coming.
Creep #4: last September, I went with the high school class to my first Dodger game. While at the game, Angelina, Christianne, and I decide to go to concessions. We're standing in line, and I move to the line over to see if it'll go faster. This guy is standing directly behind me. Angelina and Christianne noticed how close he was standing next to me; they thought I'd notice too. But, I didn't. Angelina made a comment about how did I not feel the guy breathing down my neck, or something to that extent, because that was how close the guy was. If he had coughed or sneezed, it would've been directly on my neck. Angelina was more freaked out about it than I was. She said she almost said something to the guy. She would have if he had gotten any closer, which was practically impossible because he was pretty close already.
That's about it for now ... I think...
Any comments anyone? Any stories to share?
Personally, I do keep a journal. And no, I would never want anyone else to read it. So, why do I keep one? Because it's how I vent. It's how I let out my feelings, otherwise they'd be bottled up forever and ever and ever.
Where did this come from? I was reading and old journal from my first year in college. It was my spring semester and I was taking a speech class. Like most classes, I sit in the back corner and keep to myself. In this particular class, there were these three guys who sat with me. James, Jimmy, and William. Back then, I had three or four classes depending on what day it was. There was an hour break before my speech class, and usually I'd get my lunch and sit in the classroom. Some days I'd write in my journal. I've sat in the classroom long enough for the lights to turn off on me (motion sensor).
One day, James came in and I was writing in my journal. He asked me if it was diary. I said, yes it's a journal. He asked me if I ever let my boyfriend read it. I told him I have never been in that situation before, but if I had a boyfriend, probably wouldn't let him. He then says, "If I was your boyfriend, I'd demand to read it." My thought: you wouldn't last very long, would you? To this day, I still remember that. I actually have several memories of James. Good ones. Including the journal one. I can't look back on that without a smile.
I have two other memories of James. My gospel choir concert was coming up and I had a flier for it. I mentioned something about the concert. He asked me if I needed a date to it. I said no, because I was in the concert. The second one was after one of our classmate (Gary - who I happened to run into at Six Flags last year) gave a speech about his dad's restaurant. James asked me if I liked that kind of food (I think he did) and I said being Chinese, I had to. He said we should check it out some time. Again, I declined. Jimmy (one of the other guys in our group) said, "come on, he's trying to ask you out."
Okay, never mind, there's a third memory! My cousin was selling candy to help pay for grad night (and maybe prom, I don't remember if she went or not). So to help her out, I sold some for her. James came to class and I asked him if he'd like to buy some candy. He asked me if I was selling candy for my kid (mind you, I was 18 at the time!). I told him I wasn't old enough to have a kid to sell candy for. He asked me how old I was, I asked him how old he thought I was. Whenever people ask me for my age, I always ask them how old they think I am. He thought I was 26. He was 35. Remember, I was 18 at the time! He said he thought I was older because I acted so much older. In the whole class, the only people I talked to were Jimmy, James, and William. All of them had to be much older than I was. I think even Jimmy was in his mid-20s.
As to the "having kids" ... ever since then, I've been mistaken for Harold's mom, Nina's mom, and Kevin's mom. They are 12, 16, and 14 respectively. All within the last year or two, too! First, with Harold, we were at Walmart and Harold wanted to buy some poppers. The cashier told Harold she couldn't sell them to kids under 18 (since they're like fireworks I guess). She proceeds to ask Harold, "how old is your mom?" and looks at me. Nina. Happened in the same walmart. I was trying something on in the fitting room and called out to Nina to ask her what her opinion was of what I was trying on. She wasn't there. The associate goes, "hey girl, I think your mom wants you." I was out of there quick. Kevin happened not too long ago. About a month. We stopped by my store to drop off something. One of my coworkers looks at Kevin and asks, "Linda, is this your boy?" She told my managers, "I bet Linda has kids." I told my manager she should've taken that bet. It wasn't the first time. I think one of my other coworkers thought Nina was my daughter one time we went in.
Seeing as no one comments, I want to know what you guys think? About James? About having kids?
Recently we went to Fortune Inn and this was my fortune:
Children's laughter, so beautiful to hear, soon will be a chance to have them very near.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Radio conversation between American ship
This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in Oct. 95.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95. Transcript declassified 21-05-96. Frequency classified.
ship 1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
ship 2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
ship 1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
ship 2: No. I say again, suggest you divert YOUR course.
ship 1. THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS MISSOURI, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
ship 2. This is a Canadian lighthouse. Your call.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
My dad calls me and tells me to take him to the nearest hospital. Nothing serious. He hit his eye earlier today while working on the roof clearing tree branches. So, at 1:30 AM (before time change) he decides it's a good time to go to the hospital. Speaking of the night not being over yet, I hear a cop siren in the not-too-distant. Either I'm tired or my keyboard's not working cuz my spell checker went off on at least five words.
So, we get to the hospital, fill out/sign some forms, wait to be taken to a room, the nurse asks some questions, then the doctor asks the same questions, they put a gauze over his eye, write out a prescription, and forty-five minutes after we left the house, we're home again.
Now it's 3:41 AM (after the time change) and the night is OVER.
EXCEPT for last week when I had to be at work at 2, and this week my boss asked me to come in earlier. So we compromised and I came in at four. Good thing! Because I didn't get off till midnight.The first two hours weren't eventful. But then, these two ladies came in with a return. Jeiza called me over to help them because they wanted to try on some shoes. I lost count of how many pairs of shoes these two ladies tried on. My guess? Around 15. They must have tried on five to eight different styles. One of them tried on two sizes. So, I made about two or three trips to the stock room to get shoes and put the other ones away. They ended up buy four pairs... three for the size 10 lady and one for the size 6- 6 1/2 lady. So, they returned a little over 200 and bought 1400 more. bringing me a lovely thousand dollar sale. Which was why Jeiza called me over to help them. She was busy ringing up her thousand dollar sale. Yay me.
So, why did I get off at midnight? We closed at nine and tomorrow (in a couple hours) we have inventory. Instead of doing most of the prep work in the morning, we did a lot of it tonight. I brought some merchandise on the floor so there would be less in the stock room. I took out the trash. Then I started with the area slips. We had slips that I had to number for the different floor fixtures. After I was done with that, we taped them to the fixtures on the floor and in the stock room. By the time we finished, it was midnight. LOL I think I found myself another responsibility. If Tanzania's still the store manager next year and I'm still there, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm helping with inventory again.
That's my day. School. Work. Thousand dollar sale. Inventory prep work.
What am I doing up still? I realized I didn't have any more tapes for Sunday's sermon. I've got half a tape left to do. So, once that tape's done, I'll have a tape for tomorrow's services!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
VERO BEACH, Fla. -- Who's the wealthiest Dodger?
Jason Schmidt? Jeff Kent? Frank McCourt?
It could be Matt White.
White is a 29-year-old left-handed journeyman pitcher in camp on a Minor League contract who's pitched a total of 9 2/3 Major League innings in nine professional seasons and he's sitting on a gold mine.
Actually, it's a rock quarry.
Four years ago, White bought a 50-acre piece of property in Massachusetts from his ailing Aunt Josephine, who was going into a nursing home. He planned to build a house on the property, but discovered it to be absolutely covered with rock. A geologist determined the property was loaded with mica schist, a slate-like shiny metamorphic stone used for patio decks and other construction.
"I never built the house and instead started selling the rock," said White, whose father runs the business. "It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. The geologist said I've got 24 million tons of it and it sells for $100 a ton."
So, according to White's math, he's sitting on a $2.4 billion mountain of rock. That's billion, with a "B." The property cost him $50,000.
He could parlay the fortunate real estate play into buying, say, a baseball club. It's been known to happen. So, why still bother with baseball on the player end, especially with the likelihood of cracking the Dodgers' deep Major League pitching staff no better than remote?
"This is fun," said White, who has played with Boston, Seattle and Washington. "I wouldn't retire. What else am I going to do?"
Monday, March 05, 2007
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
5. If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss topics such as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Sundays equals sports. Period.
9. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar you know we check.
17. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind- reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair--out of 30--would look good with your dress?
19. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take any quiz together.
26. It doesn't matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
28. If you won't dress like the
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
30. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
31. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both.
32. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
33. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
34. If you wear a Wonderbra and a low-cut blouse, you lose the right to complain about having your boobs stared at.
35. Our relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
36. Men see in a limited number of colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
37. Ditto melon.
38. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.LOL, so you may notice there are more rules for men than there are for women. But I posted the majority of the men's rules than the women's.
THE THINGS WOMEN WANT: (IT'S A LONG LIST); [Chicagoland Final Edition] Cheryl Lavin, Tribune Staff Writer. Chicago Tribune. Chicago, Ill.: May 7, 2000. pg. 16
1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.
2. If you're in a bad mood, we're going to assume it's our fault. So, tell us what's bothering you.
3. Don't act like a big shot to impress us. It always backfires.
5. Quit complaining about your boss. Find another job.
6. Don't tell us you love us on the first date. We won't believe you.
7. Sunday is usually the only day we can relax. Be flexible about the all-day sports rule.
8. Buy yourself some decent clothes.
10. Pay attention. We like to give clues. "Susie and Bob tried a great new restaurant" means "Why don't you ever take us anywhere nice?"
11. Would it kill you to mark our birthday, anniversary and Valentine's Day on your calendar?
12. If we wanted to check our own oil, rotate our own tires, change our own fuses and put stuff on the highest shelf, we'd be men.
13. We'll stop faking it if you'll stop asking us.
14. We'll never bug you to stop and ask for directions if you'll just figure out in advance how to get where we're going.
16. Don't say you understand just to get us to shut up. It won't work.
17. Yes, it's true. Sometimes we like to call up and talk about nothing. Get used to it.
18. PMS is a medically recognized condition. It's not in our heads.
19. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
20. We care nothing about monster trucks, car systems, stereo systems or paint ball. We're just pretending.
21. The kissing must never stop.
22. We have no intentions of shaving our legs everyday.
23. Don't make bets about us; we always find out.
25. We must be told we look beautiful after we have spent hours getting ready, when we're going to meet someone we haven't met before and especially when we don't. If you tell us we look beautiful when we have a big fat zit, we'll know you're lying and will always doubt you.
26. We will always think we're fat. Would it kill you to tell us we're not?
27. We will never pick a fight with you while you're doing the laundry or the dishes or washing our car.
28. Don't ask for our phone number if you don't intend to use it within 48 hours.
30. If you don't like waiting for a table, make a reservation.
31. Don't blame us for the sins of your ex-wives and girlfriends.
32. Understand that tit-for-tat doesn't mean anything dirty. It just means for every wrestling match we watch with you on TV, we get one "The Practice."
33. We often enjoy having our feet rubbed more than more obvious parts.
34. If we don't laugh, it doesn't mean we don't get it--we get it- -it means it's not funny.
35. If you ask us where we'd like to go on a date, don't pout when we tell you.
36. Don't count our shoes and we won't count your Playboys.
37. Keep the details of your bodily functions to an absolute minimum.
38. If you've finished the toilet paper, replace the roll. We bet you can figure out where we keep it.
39. If you ask us what's wrong and we say nothing, ask us again. And this time, look sincere.
IF IT ITCHES, WASH IT -- AND OTHER RULES; [Chicagoland Final Edition] Cheryl Lavin, Tribune staff writer. Chicago Tribune. Chicago, Ill.: May 21, 2000. pg. 16
40. Every idea that you have is not automatically brilliant. (And every idea that we have is not automatically stupid.)
41. We are not nags, it's just that you never do what we ask the first time.
42. When we say something, it's necessary for you to respond. At the very minimum, nod your head.
43. Real men run dishwashers.
44. And dust.
48. It's OK not to be handy around the house, but it's not OK to say you're not if you are, just to get out of fixing stuff.
49. Inviting us to come over to watch you watch sports is not a date.
50. Don't bring your cell phone on a date unless you have children.
51. It wouldn't hurt you to know something about something other than sports.
52. When we're out on a date with another couple, you're not allowed to talk to the other guy all night and ignore us.
53. If you hold our hand in public, it doesn't mean you're whipped.
54. If you only knew how much a tender word, a thoughtful act and an unexpected gift means to us, you would do it and your life would improve exponentially.
55. We believe that you mean everything that it says in a greeting card. So, spend a few minutes and pick out a nice one.
56. When we say money isn't important, we're fudging.
57. When we see pictures of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, we get nauseous.
58. No one dies of a cold.
59. If you call yourself "the kid" and/or speak of yourself in the third person, we will have to leave.
60. If it itches, wash it.
62. When you answer us while you're watching television, at least turn your head in our direction.
63. If you would compliment us on a regular basis, we would stop asking you if we look fat and if other girls are prettier than we are.
64. If you only knew how much getting flowers for no reason means to us, you would do it and your life would improve exponentially.
65. One of the big reasons women fear getting married is that they know guys get lazy about personal hygiene once they're in the security of marriage.
66. Consider removing your back hair. We'd be glad to shave it.
67. What's the deal with the baseball cap? You're bald. Get over it.
68. If you compare us to your mother, we'll compare you to our father. And you'll come up short.
69. We have better taste than you. You would be wise to let us pick out your clothes.
70. Fifteen minutes before we're supposed to leave is no time to ask us, "What should I wear?"
71. When you send us flowers, always send them to the office.
72. The time to take your clothes to the cleaners is when you get them dirty, not when you need to wear them.
73. Only the worst kind of a pig stares at other women when he's with us. We look at other men, but we do it discreetly.
74. When no one's home, stand in front of a mirror and practice this until you can say it in public, "I was wrong."
75. After you've mastered that, work on, "I'm sorry."
76. We are neither your mother nor your maid.