I’ve gone wireless!!!

At last! After seeing two other couples in the church go wireless, I’ve finally joined the club. The club being those who have wireless keyboards and mice. I loved using a wireless keyboard and mouse while I was over at Dan and Terri’s, as well as Juan and Shelley’s. It makes it so much easier because I tend to take the keyboard off the desk (because it’s too high for me) and place it on my lap. Which of course, limits me to how far I can take the keyboard. Too bad it wasn’t an ergonomic keyboard. That would’ve been sweet!

Anyway… today Gabriel told me that he was gonna miss me. I’m gonna miss him a lot. He’s the only guy I’ve ever known to make me feel…. Special. It drives me nuts how I feel when I’m with him, but that’s all coming to an end very soon.

Gabriel's leaving me

Gabriel quit his job this week. His last day will be next week. Of course, I knew this day was coming. I just didn’t know how soon it would come. He kept telling me that he was planning on leaving this summer. Guess that day came sooner than either of us knew. His job at Coach promoted him.

Other Half

So… I “dumped” Heidi as my other half. Why? Because I don’t feel like I truly have another half. There isn’t a single soul on this earth that I feel is my “other half.” It stinks also to think of it as that way. Why can’t we be a whole person without needing someone else to be our other half?

There’s always this perception that a person (particularly a girl) can’t be a whole person unless there’s someone else to complete her. Let’s see… I think the person who said it best was Charisma Carpenter in that movie she made that also starred Holly Marie Combs. What was it called again? It had something about someone dating? Anyway, I liked her speech at her cousin’s (?) bridal shower about why did she need a man to make her complete? She was successful and happy. She didn’t need a guy to make her feel like a whole person.

BTW I just remembered the name of the movie. See Jane Date.

Once again… why do I feel like I need someone else to make me feel whole? And why am I up at two in the morning writing about this?

KBF

“You and me… we don’t really do so well when we’re apart.”

Miles Wilson, page 124.

Okay, so I’m back to reading those “Love Stories” that I read in high school and middle school. I read one yesterday (my favorite one) and I just read “A Kiss Between Friends,” which is interesting because they don’t kiss till the end of the book. My conclusion at the end of the book? Love doesn’t happen that way.

Why am I all bent out of shape over this issue lately? Is it because I think Linus likes someone? I’ve liked Linus for so long (well, on and off). The truth is… maybe I was never actually interested in the real "Linus.” I think that’s always been the case. The interest is not actually in the real guy, the real person with the flesh and bones and blood running through his veins. There never was a real interest. The guy never existed. Only in my imagination. The person I was interested in wasn’t the one I saw from time to time… but the person who I imagined him to be. I do this all the time. I pick a guy who I think would be a great boyfriend and imagine what kind of guy he is what kind of boyfriend he is. But that’s not who HE really is. Face it. The reality is Linus would never be interested in me.

When I get this worked up, you know I can’t sleep. And lately I don’t feel like “writing” but typing sounds good to me. I like the sound of keys clacking late at night. Maybe that’s why there’s a writer deep inside of me, waiting to break out.

At First Sight

“I needed to be part of a story I know would end happily.” Allie Parker, pg. 83

“Ask me Craig! Ask me if I’m doing anything New Year’s Eve! I know it’s stupid and old-fashioned, but I’m one of those girls who like to be asked out by a guy.” Julia Parker, pg 184

So, I just finished reading “At First Sight” for the umpteenth time. Last time I think I threw it against the wall. Don’t get me wrong. I love the story. I love Allie and Ben and Tim and Julia and Craig. I hate to be all “woe is me” in this entry… but man … that book sure brought on an onslaught of feelings. Mostly the kind where I feel hopeless. Of course I have been feeling hopeless for awhile now. It’s something that keeps coming back. It hasn’t gone away and I don’t know if it ever will. See… times like these I need another Parker figure in my life. That’s all I really need… really. Just an assurance that one day I will find that special someone someday.

Partly, I can agree/relate with Allie. Maybe that’s why I read romance novels all the time. I don’t have any romance in my life, nor do I have any hope of having any in my life. Perhaps that’s why I start writing these stories but never finished them. I dream of romance, but never expect it to happen in my life. The stories get started, but they don’t get finished because my own romance has yet to start, let alone finish. I need these stories because they have happy endings. The lead characters may get turned around and separated, but in the end I know they live happily ever after. They have a happy ending. Will I get a happy ending? Maybe. But what if it’s not the kind of ending I want?

Once again… I have to remember all the good reasons why I should remain single. Reese. I want my book back. (The book being "If Singleness is a Gift, What's the Return Policy?")

First Flat Tire!!!

Here are some pictures of my first flat tire! What happened you may ask? Well... I was going from the Lighthouse (Glendale) to Nina's (Eaglerock) and decided to take the street. Instead of going up Verdugo, I went up the street that's behind Target. There's a tight corner which is also kinda blind spot. This car comes around that corner quickly, and my reaction was to turn the wheel so we wouldn't hit. Instead, I hit the curb! Well, as we were going down the street I felt that my car was driving weird. I picked up the boys (Kevin and Harold) at Kevin's house (which used to be Nina's) and went to Nina's to get the present. Nina's neighbor was outside and told us our tire was flat. We tried to change it, but called J.R. to come help. He put on the spare tire, we went down to some other place and bought a tire. So now the spare is back in the trunk and I'm $65 poorer that I was before. Oh well. At least we made it to Tyler's birthday party.

I GIVE UP!!!!

Following Melina's post...

I give up. I'm never gonna get to go out on a date. I'm never getting married. I just give up. Apparently the date on the return policy expired, because it's never gonna happen. (Referring to the book, "If Singleness is a Gift, What's the Return Policy?"

Why the sudden rant? After reading Melina's blog (and Matt's comment about the length of his singleness) brought on the despair about my own singleness (which I try not to think about EVER) plus the suspicion that the most recent Linus may indeed have found someone else.

So what's the plan then? First of all, I want my book back so I can read it again and remind myself why I should be satisfied with my singleness. Second, I'm gonna read my other book again (Sassy, Single, Satisfied). Third, I will find more books to read!

Fourth, I will remind myself: I can be happy being single!

Why?

1) Don't have to share a bed with anyone
(Many problems there: snoring, blanket hogging, taking up all the space... and I'm not talking about the other half!)
{though it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with}

2) Don't have to share bank accounts and worry about spending
(hello! shopaholic here. I'm reminded of this all the time with my customers. I had one lady who told me she hides her bills from her husband. Of course, this most recent time, she forgot to pay her bill and received a call reminding her of her 1200 balance. Then there's those customers who come in, buy something, come back and return because their husbands either a. didn't like what they bought or b. thought they spent too much money)
{Then again... there are the kind and thoughtful husbands who come to our stores and spends lots of money on their wives for Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day, Easter, etc., etc., etc.}

3) Don't have to worry about my imperfections
(Lord knows, I have many. Perhaps that's why I haven't found anyone. Lord knows, I'll need someone who can deal with me because I can't certainly deal with me, how do I expect someone else to?)
{Though I'm sure he won't be perfect either. So we'll just have to be content with each others imperfections and realize that we ourselves are not perfect and therefore cannot expect the other half to be perfect}

4) My time is my time.
(I can do whatever I want without worrying about another person's schedule. I can hang out with my friends, go out, etc., etc.,)
{though it would be nice to have someone else to spend time with, go out with, hold hands... etc., etc., etc.}

Overall... I'm just discouraged because of the lack of anything so far. {On the bright side, I have Gabriel to make me feel better... but it's still frustrating anyway!}

Work Update

So here's an update on this week. I finally picked out my prize! We had a contest in our store and I won (much to the disappoint of the lead associate). So I got a free outfit for under $100. The skirt actually is 68 and the top was 28... do the math there. This week was blah. I had a 1060 sale on Tuesday and that's about it. Things with the new manager seems pretty cool, but I do miss the managers I started with (Tracy and Patricia). Oh well. That's the way it is with life... people walk into your life... and just as quickly they walk out...

Nostalgic

I've been getting a major dose of nostalgia lately... mainly of my high school days in band. Guess you can take the girl out of band but not the band out of the girl. Lately I've been listening to recordings of my high school field shows, watching the videos, and listening to Blast and any DCI recordings I have. Too bad I forgot that Blast was gonna be in my area in March! Oh well. i'll keep an eye out for them next time they come around. in the mean time... I'm planning to go to a DCI show in June. if anyone is interested, let me know! It's June 24th at 5 PM

http://www.blasttheshow.com/
http://www.dci.org/

If you don't know who to check out, try these groups:
BLUE DEVILS
IMPULSE
Dreams
Esperanza
Madison County Scouts

Announcing the retirement of...

Canon Powershot A310
December 2005 - May 2, 2006


Don't worry... stepping up to the plate will be the Canon Powershot SD550!

Camera-shyers beware! Here's comes the paparazzi