FallingLEAVes of Sunshine

Till the New Year. That means I have two hours and twenty minutes left before my 2008 New Year's resolution goes incompleted. That's okay. I can make the same resolution for 2009. A few thoughts to finish out 2008. No matter how fast you drive, you can't drive away from your feelings. No matter how loud the music is, you can't drown out your thoughts. No matter how fast you run, you can't run from yourself. These were the thoughts that was going through my mind while I was driving over to my friend's house for New Year's Eve. What thoughts were running through my mind? The same things that have been going thorugh my mind for the last ten years. Nothing much has changed. Okay, so maybe a lot has changed. But this one thing is still the same. I am still alone. Probably more alone now that I have ever been. At least, ten years ago I had Juan and Parker and Cindy and Leah. Even though at the time, I was beginning to lose Leah and Cindy. Now I have lost Parker an...

I know most people hate wearing glasses. They hate how they look in glasses. But for some guys, I think glasses look cute on them. I guess that means I have a glasses fetish. For example, I once saw a picture of Josh Groban with glasses on. It made my heart skip a beat. I loved how he looked with glasses. Not everyone looks good with glasses, I agree. But I still think glasses can enhance a person's look. For example ... I met this guy last year ... and I didn't know he wore glasses till the second time I saw him. I thought he looked nicer with the glasses on. I completely forgot about it since it was a long time before I saw him again. No glasses, of course. Then I stumbled across the picture of him with his glasses and it reminded me of how good he looked with glasses on. The first couple of guys I had crushes on back in middle school ... all wore glasses!

At last year's New Year's Eve party ... right after we rang in the new year ... I made a special New Year's resolution. I've got two days left. It's not going to happen. That's okay. I'll just make the same resolution for next year. Okay, so it's not really a New Year's resolution. More like a wish. More like a desire. More like a longing. Remember the scene in "Little Women" where Laurie is taking Amy to her Aunt March right after they find out that Beth has scarlet fever. And Amy says that she's never been kissed. She didn't want to die without ever being kissed. That's how I feel. It's not much. It's not a big deal. But I can't help but feel like I'm missing something. Another year. Who knows what this year will bring.

Why do I bother? I just checked one of my friend's pages ... and I looked at Alpha's top friends ... and I'm not even in the first ten. I've known Alpha longer than anyone in Alpha's top ten .... if you average the years Alpha's known them, I've still known Alpha much longer. Why am I surprised? I really shouldn't be. It's always been like this. Like in high school. I would go to Alpha's page ... and Alpha listed all of Alpha's friends around the border of the page. Naturally ... I didn't rank high enough to make that list. Funny. Even in college, Alpha would say I was probably the person who knew what was going on in Alpha's life. You'd think I'd figure this out by now. I keep Alpha at an arm's distance. Yet it still hurts to see that I don't matter that much to Alpha. Why does it still hurt? You'd think the distance would soften the blows. I just read a book where the main character tries to avoid a relationship ...

Merry Christmas everyone! As I was leaving work the other day, my boss asked me what I was doing for Christmas. I told her that I was spending it with Nina's family. She said, "awww, you're family doesn't celebrate Christmas, either?" I know, we've gone over this before. How my family doesn't celebrate anything. At least I have Nina's family to celebrate things with. We had dinner on Christmas Eve with Nina's extended family as well. That being the family that sponsored Nina's mother when she first came to the states. They're family to them too. We had dinner and then played some games. We played Cranium (me & Nina vs Harold & Dominic vs Jonathan & Justin). It was a close game between Nina & I and Jonathan & Justin. Harold & Dominic were behind for awhile and then caught up. We also opened presents. I wasn't expecting much. Well, I got more than I expected. I was pleasantly surprised. I usually don't expect a...

I cannot imagine what these men went through ... to save their lives ... and the lives of the other survivors of the Uruguayan Air Force Flight 571 that crashed in the Andes Mountain on October 13, 1972. The odds were against them. It was virtually impossible that anyone could have survived that plane crash. It was virtually impossible that anyone could survive in the mountains for three months on nothing but little squares of chocolate and a cap of wine. They were given up for dead. The only way out was to hike out of the mountains themselves. Even the rescuers could not believe the feat that these two men accomplished. It was not humanly possible that these two men could have trekked out of the Valley of the Tears. But they did. Their story, as gruesome and tragic as it may be, is an amazing story. A story that should never be forgotten. On this day, thirty-six years ago, these men walked not only out of the Andes Mountains ... but emerged from death to reclaim their lives. On this d...

To get my new year's resolution done. And it's not going to happen.

And fabulous it was! I found out about the event a few weeks ago via e-mail. The day came to put in my reservation ... and I nearly forgot about it! How was I invited? Because I purchased a mini-plan this year. I RSVP'ed for five people, since I didn't know who would want and who could come with me. Figured I could fit five people total in my car. Turns out I didn't need a reservation for five. Two was enough. Since the event started at noon, Kevin and I were a hour late. The first thing we had to do was check in. They were set up right outside center field. We didn't get very far into the stadium after we checked in. The first thing we did was check out the "Holiday sale" that was going on. They had all sorts of things on sale. For the most part, they were selling things that were left over from their give-away nights. They had bobble heads for two or three dollars. Since I got most of them already, I only got the Joe Torre bobble head. They had a few fleece ...

Since I last posted in here. Guess since the Dodgers are having a quiet offseason then so am I. Actually. It hasn't been that quiet for me. I just haven't gotten around to posting on here. In fact, I've been quite busy with the pen and paper. So, real quick. I've been going through a lot lately. Some of it has been reflective. Most of it self inflicted. A lot of it internal. For about a week and a half, I felt like I was walking around in a fog. A really dense fog. It was like I had these huge weights on me. Then, one day, it was like it was all gone. Okay, so not all gone. The weights, the baggage, it was still there. They were still there. But it didn't seem as bad. I don't know if I can explain what I was feeling or what I was going through. But at the time, I was having a really hard time with it. I still am. But it seems easier now. I don't know how to explain it. It's like, things got really blurry and muddled. And now even though I'm still dea...