Things are supposed to get better

Right?

Tuesday I picked up my car and went to work. No sooner than I had gotten settled in that I overheard a conversation about me. It was easy enough to overhear and boy did I feel rotten. Just when I thought I was doing fine ... I get a bomb dropped on me and find out I'm not. On the bright side, at least now that I know what I'm doing wrong I can fix it. Still, not a good feeling, you know?

THEN today, I felt so bad during the first part of my shift. It felt almost like I was starting all over again. The day went pretty smoothly. On the bright side, I didn't have to handle the difficult stuff on my own. I had assistance. I just hate having to have someone walk me through the stuff that I should already have down.

On my way home, I had just left work and turned onto the main street to go home when I noticed my car sounded funny. I pulled into the nearest gas station and got out to check it out. The tire I just had replaced .... was FLAT! I got out the stuff to try and change it ... and the bolts wouldn't come off. It took me half an hour before I finally gave up. I backed my car to the air thing and see if I just needed to reinflate my tire. The tire inflated and I prayed that it was all I needed to do. I hit the highway, stayed in the slow lane, and kept a moderate speed. I was worried about blowing out my tire or getting a flat on the highway.

As soon as I got off the 105 and onto the 110, I pulled off the freeway to check my tire. So far so good. I made it all the way the Nina's house without an incident, going at a snail's pace. Let's pray the tire holds up tomorrow morning.

It can only get better

Right?

Today started off earlier than usual for a Monday morning. I got out of the house so I could go down to the Talbots in Pasadena to shop for some jeans. It was good to see some familiar faces, though it took me a while to remember some names. By the time I left, I didn't find any new jeans. They had some jeans on sale for $25. And if you know Talbots jeans, that's a great deal! Well, no jeans. But I did get like three new tops. They were on sale and an additional 25% off.

On my way out, one of the girls told me my former manager worked near by. I wanted to stop by and see if she was working so I could say hi. Well, I was going down the street and I saw that I was going to miss the drive way for the parking lot. I guess I wasn't going to miss it because when I turned to go in, I hit the curb. I mean, I really HIT the curb. When I parked, my tire was flat. I busted my tire! I tried to change it myself and then freaked out. Turns out I didn't jack it up high enough and I could've changed it.

So, I called work and my boss is very nice and cheery when he answers the phone. He's like, "how are you doing?" I'm like, you don't want to know. So I tell him I have a flat tire and I'm going to be late to work. He says to call if I'm going to be more than an hour late. 45 minutes later, the tow truck finally shows up. He tows me to a body show my friend recommended. I pay the tow truck guy. My friend's friend said I just need a new tire and rim. He changes the spare for me. I drive down the street to get a new tire. The tire guy is like, where's your rim? I'm like what rim? The one I bent? He's like, oh, if it's bent then you do need a new one because it'll just break.

Finally, almost two hours late I show up to work. Fortunately, my brother dropped me off. Since I didn't have time to get lunch and I didn't have a car to go get lunch, I was going to see if I could catch a ride with some of my coworkers who go out to eat. Naturally, they went to lunch before I could ask them and I was on the phone so I couldn't stop them on their way out. On my lunch, I started to walk one direct, changed my mind, went the other way. Then I realized I forgot to sign out of something, went back and signed out. Started walking again, then changed my mind. Went back to work and had ice cream for dinner.

About ten minutes before I got off work, my brother texted me if he could leave the house. We live about 25 minutes away.

Fortunately, the next day I got my car back and it only cost me $50 for the new tire and rim... but I can tell you know (since I'm finishing this post up on Wednesday) ... things haven't gotten much better ... or much worse I suppose ... but it sure has been a rough three days.

New camera

So, yes, I finally gave in today and went shopping for a new digital camera before work. I found a great deal at Office Depot... and wouldn't you know it... they were all sold out! She said all the stores in the area were sold out. I asked her if that included L.A. because I am actually in the L.A./Glendale/Burbank area. She didn't go back to check. She just said it was sold out.

There was a Best Buy down the street so I went there and found a cheapie one for about $65. Now I'm having buyer's remorse. I have the receipt and haven't opened it. Maybe I'll return it tomorrow if I find a better deal else. I haven't opened it yet. I can still return it, right?

Why am I looking for a digital camera now? I finished that disposable camera and the photo guy at CVS said the photos may not come out well since the film is old (2008). Well, the photos came out but yeah, the quality is just ... not great. I couldn't even scan the negatives because the scanner wouldn't accept the negative. I might place an order at work and have the negatives scanned there. I definitely want to retake at least one of the photos with the players that I took using the disposable camera. The other two players were sent down already and Rubby... I'll think about it. If I have the opportunity, I might retake it. I still need to retake the photo with Marcus Thames. That was the last photo I took with my digital camera before I lost it. I never had an opportunity to download that one.

I did find some really nice ones at Office Depot, but they were about 79.99, which was about 20 above what I paid for at Best Buy. I really liked the Office Depot ones though :( I forget what the model was. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

Man I wish I had a digital camera

Today, I got three photos taken with three different players: Rubby De La Rosa, Josh Lindblom, and Javvy Guerra. I would love to see what the photos look like ... but I used a disposable camera. I'm still adjusting to using one. I keep forgetting to wind it. I wish it was wound up when Javvy leaned in to take a picture with me. He leaned so close I felt the brim of his cap! And the camera wasn't wound! So the actual photo doesn't show how close he got the first time. BUMMER!!!

Looking forward to Wednesday

Yes, I know technically it is Wednesday. If I ever get to bed, I have to be up in about 7 hours or so.

Why?

I'm going to a Dodger game!!!

In the middle of day? Yup. This year, the Dodgers have 6 mid-week afternoon games. I lost count, but I believe this is game 3 of 6. Game 4 is next Wednesday against the Tigers, Game 5 is in August against the Phillies, and I believe there is one more. So far in these 6 games, we are 1 - 1. The first one we won in Walk Off fashion against the Braves. The second one we lost huge to the Cubs. Who wants to guess how we do this Game 3? Don't forget... the Reds are looking to sweep the Dodgers at home... when was that last time that happened??? We lost last years home series to them, but we weren't swept... fortunately.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day at work too. Today was much better than yesterday. I felt bad tonight because I kept accidentally hanging up on a customer. The first time, it wasn't my fault. Somehow our call got dropped or disconnected. The next two times were completely my fault. I kept pushing the wrong button. By then, I wrote their number down so I could call them back.

One of my coworkers almost dropped a box on my head. That's okay. It was light and hardly anything was in it. I've already dropped a box of DVD cases on me. No worries. It missed my head and got me in the back instead. He was nice enough to bring me a box of DVDs today. It was a nice thought. I usually have to go down and grab two boxes on my own. I ended up doing it anyway because I ran out. I found an order that needed to go out and when I couldn't figure out where to put it, I asked him where should I put it so it could go out right away. He said here and held out his hand.

Hopefully tomorrow there won't be such a huge divider between me and my other coworker. We're the only two out in the main reception area. I couldn't see her at all today and she couldn't see me. I couldn't even see the sun! I had to turn on the lights because it was so shadowy in my corner.

Time for bed! I can't wait to go to tomorrow's game. I get to see Trent for the first time since the exhibition games... same goes for Dee. I have yet to meet Javy Guerra and Rubby DeLaRosa. Am I missing anyone?

Law of Mondays

Is there some rule that all Mondays have to be Manic Mondays?

No kidding. Today was crazy busy. Then again, maybe because it's the first day after a weekend and we have to catch up from people calling and e-mailing over the weekend and our office isn't open then. The funny part is when people accuse us of not having our office hours listed when it IS listed on our website.

Tomorrow is going to be interesting. I need to get my ticket for Wednesday game still. And Billy is taking my car in the morning to take his last final. Lucky for him, the gas light came on while I was driving home from work. I didn't want to drive to the 76 on Glendale Blvd so I pulled off on Manchester right off the 110. It's not exactly the neighborhood I'd like to be in at 1 AM but when you have to get gas ... I could've gassed up closer to work but it was 4.11 out by work. It was 3.95 at the one I went to. There was on person there when I pulled up by the time I got out, she was gone. The clerk was locked inside her little room and there was a bum asking if he could pump my gas for me. I had already pumped my gas and was just getting a copy of my receipt from the clerk.

Yes, I know. Pumping gas at 1 AM is a very bad idea in most areas. Even the well lit ones. There was no way Billy was going to put gas in my. Since we've been sharing my car, he's only put about $12 in towards gas... and he wanted me to pay him back for it!

He just got a new car (well, a used car but a new car to him) on Saturday. He has to get the paperwork taken care of at the DMV and then add it to our insurance policy. We just had our insurance policy changed so I told him to wait till after the 18th to change our policy again. My mom wants him to wait till my dad gets back from Cambodia. He can just drive the Wagovan around for a month. Though, he might not want to. He really likes having a cup holder in his car.

This is what happens when you leave Nina and I alone for an afternoon

On most Sunday afternoons, our little group of friends (and it keeps continuing to shrink) go out to lunch after Sunday morning service, go have coffee, then go to evening service. Sometimes after evening service, we'd gather at Nina's house. We haven't done the latter very much lately. Our group ranged from 5 - 7 girls, now we're down to 5-6 girls ... and during the summer it'll range from 1 - 4, maybe 5 once Camp Meeting is over. Can you guess who the lone one will be for a Sunday or two? No big deal. I have plans for at least one of those Sundays. Maybe. Not sure yet.

Today, it was going to be Angelina, Nina, and me again. It was just the three of us last Sunday and we went to Corner Bakery, KMart, Coffee Bean, Dollar Bookstore. Christianne went home and Heidi went out with Caleb. Today, it was going to be the three of us because Christianne's graduation was this afternoon. Congratulations to Christianne!!! Then Angelina couldn't come because her family was celebrating her little brother's birthday. So, it was just me and Nina. We had already invited our pastor and his wife to lunch and so we included Nina's family so we wouldn't be so small a group.

The first choice was Olive Garden, which Nina isn't fond of. Our second choice was Fortune Inn. I love going to Fortune Inn. They have one of the best Orange Chicken dishes. We don't go very often. In fact, the last time I went was around Christmas/New Year's with the pastor's family, his nephew, and Angelina. Sister Janelle's fortune cookie read "You or someone close to you will be getting married". At the time, Nathan and Angelina hadn't announced their engagement yet but they were engaged at the time.

After lunch, Nina and I had some errands to run. She was looking for a purse at PacSun she wanted. I need some things from Target. We started with stopping by Sweet Factory to see if an old acquaintance of mine was working. No luck. We browsed through Bath and Body Works before heading to the other Pac Sun since the one in the galleria was gone. No Pac Sun. That was gone. We went into Old Navy to browse since I have a $20 Groupon to print and use by the end of July. I ended up finding a t-shirt and a polo in the clearance section. New clothes for work! I better pace myself. This is how I got into debt the first time around. Fortunately for me, this time I have no credit cards to use!

We headed to Rite Aid for some ice cream. Wouldn't you know it? The Thrifty Ice Cream is back to 2 for $5. I should've waited a week for my chocolate brownie ice cream. Maybe I'll pick up the vanilla for Eddie and rocky road for Ryan and the others so no one will touch my chocolate brownie. No, I'm not being selfish. I share my ice cream with my coworkers. It goes quick sometimes! We went through a cookie dough and a mint chocolate chip in two days once!

Nina wanted to look inside Gilly Hicks (I think that's what it was called). They had a special where if got a free undie with your purchase. So Nina found two things she liked and we made two purchases. She wanted to look inside H&M to see if they had a purse she liked. While we were looking, there was a pair of black ballet flats on the floor of the shoe area. I tried them on and they fit perfectly. They were 12.95, not $7 like the other shoes on sale around it. So I left them where I found them.

Finally, we made our way back to Target. First section we hit was the purse section since Nina was looking for a purse. She didn't find one, but I did! I've been looking for a new purse the last few weeks. Mine is falling apart. Literally. There are holes in all four corners of my purse. I've had it for at least 5 years, if not 6. I started working at Talbots in 2005 and probably got it either in winter 05 or winter 06. I know I got my big Talbots tote in 2006 because I took it with me to NC in 2007 and it broke while I was there! After finding the perfect purse for me, we looked at wallets. Nina told me she noticed it was time I replaced my wallet, too. She was right since it was worn out, dirty, and the zipper for the change part was broken. We found one I liked and we were set. A few more things later, and we headed to the check out line. I got in one line and Nina noticed another line was shorter. She got in line but by the time I got there, at least three people were behind her. I didn't want to cut in front of them, but Nina was only getting one item so I said I'd pay for it. The people behind us didn't mind at all. They were very nice and let me in. One of the last times I've been to that Target (if not the last time), something similar happened. My friend Pat got in line and I was right behind her. But someone got in between us. Pat told her, "Excuse me, but we're together." The lady was rude about it but let me in.

You'd think we were done after Target... but we weren't. We had to run to the dollar store for Nina to get some shaving cream for school. Not for other "extracurricular activities" like her brother. On Friday night (around 3 AM so technically it was Saturday) ... some of our younger young people paid a visit to our pastor ... and left him a lovely message on their suburban expressing their love for their pastor and his wife. While at the dollar store, I picked up a few items to use at the office.

I am not a shopper. I don't like to shop. I don't like to spend hours and hours walking around going from store to store and trying things on. Trust me. By the time we made it back to church, my feet were killing me. I even went home to change into a denim skirt (good thing too because Diane was wearing the exact same skirt I was earlier - I actually find it funny when we do this and we have done it before) so I could wear my canvas shoes. I don't even spend a lot of money on things very often. But whenever I'm with Nina ... I seem to find a hole in my wallet (and my debit card).

Fortunately, this will probably be my only shopping spree for a while. Sadly, it was mostly for necessities like toothpaste, chap stick, and some office supplies and two new t-shirts for work.

God is so amazing!

Do you cringe when you hear advertisements for debt relief programs? I used to. Hopefully in about two months, I can be one of those debt relief program success stories. Well, not really a success story. But, at least I will be debt free!!!

About two months I ago, I called up one of my old credit cards. I had opened this account when I opened my back account. Naturally, at first I was good at paying it off and not spending to extravagantly. Well, needless to say, it got away from me eventually. It got to the point where they had charged the account off. I signed up with debt relief program and began making monthly payments of roughly a little over $100 a month.

Recently, I figured I should be getting close to having it paid off. So, since I didn't have a statement or access to my online account anymore ... I called up the company and inquired about my balance. They said it was around 300. I forget the amount now. So I figured, okay two more payments through my debt management program and then I can pay it off through the credit card company.

My next payment was going to be made in a few days. I get home tonight and discover a check from the credit card company issuing me a refund of more than twice the balance I was told that was left when I called. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe.

God is so good!

I honestly didn't think I'd ever get this debt paid off. Not only that... I have two store cards (both balances under 200) that I can get paid off within the next month or two. Then I will have absolutely NO credit cards or NO store cards.

Now if only I could set this up for my mom! I think I might have to. It took me less than four years to get completely out of debt. I can't believe it. It probably could've been a whole lot faster if I was fully employed and making bigger payments.

Believe me... I've learned my lesson. I thought I could handle it. Then it got out of hand and it handled me instead. Let's pray I don't repeat my mistakes in the future.

Maybe now I won't feel so bad

I figure I'll get one or two mean/rude customers a week. Yesterday I got two in one day. Fortunately, I only had one today and it wasn't till the end of my shift.

Well, I got home and I saw I had an e-mail from Groupon advertising their special for Dodger tickets for the two day games on Wednesdays during the next homestand. I thought about it. Last time I checked it out, it came up to 13.90 just for my ticket. I coughed up the $14 for the Saturday game anyway at the Stadium. If I go to the stadium to my tickets, I can get top deck seats for $12 instead of paying $14 for the reserve ticket. The Groupon says it's $7 but there's about an additional $7 in fees you still have to pay. Plus, if I go when the team is on the road, I get to see my favorite ticket seller.

While on Groupon, I noticed an advertisement for a competitor's deal. I checked out the competitor and looked at their FAQ, prices, and "reviews". Then I went on Yelp and really looked at their "reviews". You know that you can't just go by the raving "reviews" on a company's facebook page. Who really likes to leave negative comments up for long that tells everyone how terrible you are?

After reading through everything, I still feel our company is the better of the two. Not that anyone will believe I have an unbiased opinion since I do work for the company that I feel is the better of the two.

Since I have yet to mention who my current employer is or who this competitor is, I'll leave those in anonymity. Okay, actually, I did mention who my new employer is. But I went back and edited that post! I don't want to break any confidentiality rules, you know?

Rough day

Tonight was a 4-scoop ice cream night. When I'm having a rough day, I usually do 3 scoops. Today was extra rough, so it was four scoops.

Working in CS, I know I'll get my head bit off by customers at least two or three times a week. Not in a day. No bueno!

On the bright side, I went into the shipping room to ask a coworker a question. He had his back turned to the door and the music was on loud so he didn't hear me. I totally startled him. I gotta say... it was pretty funny the expression on his face. Though I'm not sure if it was a good thing or not I startled him. Am I that frightening? Still, the expression on his face and the reaction will keep me smiling for a few days till I forget about it.

Woo hoo! Four posts in five days!

Talk about a Manic Monday

Long long day today. Where do I begin?

First off, I had to report for Jury Duty today. As I wrote earlier. They let us go for lunch around 12. I went down to the Los Angeles Mall because there was a Carl's Jr in their food court. Line was too long by the time I got there. I even skipped taking the elevator down to the ground floor by taking the stairs instead. No wonder my calves were hurting! They still do a little. Add the new shoes that aren't the best for walking shoes plus lugging my laptop bag around...

I ended up getting spaghetti that came with salad and a slice of wheat bread. Too bad I didn't walk around the food court more. I would've found the Sbarro and gotten that instead of the random little cafe type place I ended up at. I should found Ruth and asked her where she was going to lunch. Turns out, one of the ladies from church was in the same jury pool I was. She caught me during the break but when they dismissed us for lunch, she left before I could find her. After lunch, I went back to the parking structure to put my laptop away. I figured I could read for the rest of the afternoon since I couldn't go on Facebook.

About ten till four, they asked all the remaining jurors to return to the carpeted area. We were done for the day! My name was the second one read, so I was out of there. It took me a while to figure out how to get through the maze that was Downtown and then deal with rush hour traffic. What normally takes about 25 minutes from my house to work took 45 minutes from the Walt Disney Concert Hall to work!

As soon as I got to work, I had phone call after phone call after phone call. Then e-mail after e-mail after e-mail. Strangely enough... the live chat was non-existent! Interesting.

Since I got to work late, I went on break late. It was 9 by the time I took my dinner break. I usually go around 7 because that's the four hour mark, which is half of my shift. Since I got in at 5, it was habit for me to go at 9. I tried to go earlier, but I kept postponing it. I should have gone earlier. I went down to the Starbucks closest to work.... and they had just closed! They closed at 9. What kind of Starbucks closes at 9??? I guess the kind that doesn't get much foot traffic. Instead, I went across the street to Rite Aid and got two Double Shots with Energy (they were 2 for $4) and another tub of ice cream. We were down to the last tub of Thrifty ice cream. Unfortunately, they were back to regular price so I was only able to get one. Last week (and the week before), they were 2 for $5. Now they're just $5. Well, 4-something with tax. I guess if anyone doesn't want chocolate fudge brownie, they can get their own. I'm not spending $5 on just vanilla. And yes, I have a coworker who wants just vanilla.

When I got back, I only had about 10 minutes left to eat so I made instant oatmeal... but since I didn't have a measuring cup I had to estimate how much water to put in. I didn't put enough and ended up with slightly chunky oatmeal that turned into congealed oatmeal once it cooled. Lovely.

I didn't get home till almost one. One of my coworkers needed a lift home since her ride didn't show up. I offered to take her since it was on my way home. And then I would also have an extra person with me when I stopped at the gas station. My gas light indicator came on when I hit the 105 this afternoon. I knew I had enough gas to get to the station by my house, but I rather not drive the whole way home with the gas indicator on. I've done it before and rather not have to do it again.

So, hopefully the rest of the week calms down compared to this crazy Monday. Even though I spent about 8 hours of it doing nothing sitting in the juror assembly room.

Saturday is going to be crazy. I'll get home from work around 1 as usual and then have a birthday party to attend in West Hills in the early afternoon. Then in the late afternoon/evening, I have a graduation party in Downey. Not like my car doesn't get enough mileage during the week right? Between my brother driving it to Santa Monica and back, then me driving it to El Segundo and back. It's good thing my car gets decent mileage on the freeway.

What happened to the days when I could sleep over 12 hours when needed to? Those days are long gone! Like I was telling Nina last Saturday, free time is a luxury I don't have too much of these days anymore. Last Saturday was my only free Saturday of June. The life of a working gal.

And loving it.

Jury Duty

Here I am ... sitting in the jury assembly room with nothing much to do since Facebook is blocked by the wi-fi. Twitter isn't... but maybe because Twitter isn't a big distraction like Facebook is. At least I can blog. Hmmm maybe I can catch up on all those entries I'm behind on. On the downside, I'll be late for work by about an hour or two :( At least I can still go in for work since I work the night shift. Which is a good thing. I have a lot of e-mails I need to respond to. Well, even though I can't my Facebook ... at least I can access my Facebook chat list via my AIM.

I thought about postponing my jury duty summons, but why put off the inevitable? Might as well serve since I'm here. And he did say technically if you receive the white postcard that notifies you that you failed to appear, you're not supposed to be able to postpone your service. The guy (Marcus) doing the orientation is pretty funny. Young guy, too, from what little I saw of him. I'm sitting in the other side of where the lectern is so I can't see him. I can only hear him.

We're on break right now. It took me about 20 minutes to get down to the first floor where the vending machines are. Unfortunately, they only had cans. I wanted to get a bottle. So I went into the cafeteria, where I was planning on going for lunch. They take only cash. I used my only cash ($2) to buy a bottle of wild cherry Pepsi. Two dollars!

Why did I get a notice that I failed to appear? Silly me thought because the jury duty summons that I received had my name spelled wrong that I didn't have to appear. Wrong. Not only do I have to appear, I have two summonses this year! I'm serving one now and will be excused for the other one later. I have to go to the voter registration thing and tell them to cross of my other name. AGAIN. I told them to cross off my other name the last time I voted. Apparently Linda Ear is still in the system.

Time for an update

I am alive!

Wow. January 8 was really the last time I blogged on this blog? I only say that because I have been blogging sporadically on my baseball blog.

Now that I'm looking at my last blog entry, it's kinda funny that the subject of my dream then was named Charlie. In March, my dad brought home a stray puppy and I named him Charlie (because he was brown and I wanted to call him Charlie Brown). Charlie was the only name my brother and I could agree on. Because I was unemployed and couldn't afford to keep him, my mom made us give him away. We only had him less than two weeks and it broke my heart to send him up north with my friend's boyfriend. On the bright side, Charlie is happy, well taken care of, and he is loved.

The biggest change in my life since January 8 is that I am now officially employed! I guess you could say I was unofficially employed since I was working from home for a professional photographer. Work was sporadic then and I would occasionally babysit for my friend's little brother. I was barely scraping by when my cousin told me that the Los Angeles Public Library was hiring for two positions. As I was getting my applications together, I went on Craigslist to see what other jobs were out there.

I found a company looking for scanner technicians... I sent in my resume, got a response, and went in to interview. I was very pleasantly surprised to see that the equipment they used was the same equipment I used during my internship with PCC and my work for the professional photographer.

Long story short, I got the job. A few weeks into the job, they asked me if I would consider moving to customer service. I said yes and here I am, back in customer service after four years of retail and saying I don't want to do customer service again for quite some time. Well, I had about a year and half break from customer service. Guess that was long enough?

One of the nice things about my job is that I get to work with quite a few good looking guys. Okay, nice looking guys I suppose. Down side is most of them smoke.

Looking back, when I found out that I was going to lose my job, I knew it was for a reason. I didn't know it then, but God was leading me to this point. Even now, I don't know where He's leading but I know that I can trust in Him. After all, look what He's done in the last two years.

I lost my job in May 2009. In September of that year, I went back to school to finish my library tech degree. I accidentally sign up for the school paper thinking photojournalism was a class about pj and not actually the photography part of the school paper. Through that, I was able to meet the professional photographer who I now do some part-time work for, including some negative scanning at home. After I completed my library tech certification, I participated in an internship where I scanned hundreds of images for the Pasadena History Collaboration. In turn, I have used both those skills and my customer service time at Talbots in my current position. How great is our God?!?

Even now, I thank God every day for leading me here. And I pray for His daily guidance. I don't know where my next step is going, I just know who's going to lead me.

Yes, I have to admit... the last two years have been very difficult. There were times when I wondered if things were ever going to look up. If there was a light at the end of the tunnel. If things were ever going to get better. I got depressed. I got detached. But I held on because if Jesus is all I got, then Jesus is all I need. That's a little phrase Bro. Alan uses once in awhile that he remembers Bro. Ron saying. Sometimes that was all I had to get through the day. Just a prayer. Just a little thread of hope. Just barely hanging on, barely existing.

Now... well, I'm still hanging on and still existing. But before, it was more like one step at a time, just put one foot in front of the other. Now I've got a little more spring in my step. At least I know when things start going downhill, I know who's right beside me and will see me through the valleys, through the plains, and with me at the mountaintops.

If anyone is still checking in... thanks for stopping by! Maybe now that I've cut back on my facebook games and farmville, I'll try to blog more often.

It's funny how easy it is to write when everything is going wrong. That's a trend I've noticed over the years as I started my journal way back in 1999. I have to admit, I write in my journal as often as I blog on here. I guess I better dig that thing out of my closet or book shelf where ever it is. Who knows. Maybe if I have time during my lunch hour, I can park by the beach some where and jot down a few thoughts.

Twelve years of journaling and some times it seems like nothing has changed. Yet, everything has changed. But still, some things are still the same and some issues have never gone away.

I dreamt of Charlie

Strangely enough, I think Charlie looked like Derek Morgan aka Shemar Moore. I think.

Wow, back to back nights where I had these crazy vivid dreams. This one wasn't as hectic or crazy as the night before. This one took place on a campus or campground or something. Not quite sure. I'm sitting on the grass with this guy, Charlie. He has his arm around me and he starts placing kisses like on my shoulder and working his way up my neck. He tells me how good I smell. Then he suggests we go some place a little more private so we can be alone. I say okay, just a little bit alone. I didn't want to be completely alone or in an inappropriate situation. As we're walking around looking for a spot, I notice someone is following me. It's Cheryl. She's either his ex or something like that. We keep walking and she keeps following. I see a teacher/adult, Mr. Reyes, who happens to look just like Will Schuester from Glee. I ask him if we could talk to him. He says not now, maybe later. I somehow trip and fall into a bunch of bushes, which happen to be poison ivy! Oh dear.

So, Charlie at this point disappears and the rest of the dream is a big drama between Cheryl and I. Because not only are we both interested in Charlie, we're both friends. Well, looks like our friendship is over because she refuses to talk to me. I need someone to ask for advice because I want to stay friends with Cheryl but don't want to lose Charlie. I find Ada preparing dinner and ask if I could talk to her. I'm asking her for advice when Cheryl walks in. She has a baby in a stroller and she is mad at Ada, thinking Ada is on my side. She is terribly rude to Ada. I tell Cheryl to leave Ada alone. Cheryl is telling me about the weather somewhere (California, I think) and how it's nice and warm there. She suggests I should go there, immediately. I tell her, why would I go there? I like the cold and the rain, she doesn't.

She leaves. I go looking for Charlie. I'm in the guys dormitory and asking around for Charlie. They tell me he's with Cheryl. I'm heartbroken. I grab my backpack and tell them I'm leaving. I hit the road, figure I'll hike to the nearest town or hitch hike. I look down the road and it leads into a creek. The sign marker says something like 59. I look up and the road inclines but the sign marker says 58. I start heading up the road.

A group of people on a little motor boat and two people on a motorcycle come racing up behind me, trying to convince me to come back. The guy driving the motor boat looks like John Corbit (dad from Ramona and Beezus, the pastor in Raising Helen, and the groom in My Big Fat Greek Wedding). I tell them I can't go back.

NCIS... Criminal Minds... and Goodwin???

Goodwin, as in the Other in Lost who infiltrates the Tailies. Goodwin, as in Juliet's lover on the island. At least, that's who the guy in my dream reminded me of. A little bit of Goodwin, a little bit of Aaron Eckhart.

Why am I babbling about Goodwin/Brett Cullen and Aaron Eckhart?

I'm not sure how my dream started... but I remember taking out my camera. Gibbs (NCIS) was telling me he wants photos of everything, especially faces. Or maybe it was Gideon (Criminal Minds). I'm not sure. I was taking photos when I noticed something up in the trees. There's a guy hiding in the trees. He's either got a sniper rifle or a long lens camera. I don't remember and I don't think I could see all the clearly anyway. So I try to take his picture without him knowing it. Then I see two more guys in the trees. I point this out to Gibbs.

The scene changes and I'm at an apartment building. I'm asking this woman, "donde esta su hijo?" Okay, so I was demanding she turn over her child to me. We take two or three boys in the van. Now Morgan (Criminal Minds) is driving. We're going down the main road and we notice a truck is following us. I tell Morgan about it. He changes lane and so does the truck. He turns on a street and the truck follows too. Morgan makes a big u-turn and the truck pulls up next to us. A big guy gets out of the truck to say something to Morgan. I pull out my revolver. I have no idea why I'm using a revolver. I shoot the guy in the arm. He says something and gets back in his truck and drives off.

We get on the highway. We're on the 5 heading north. The driver changes. It's no longer Morgan. I'm not sure who he is, but he reminds me of a younger Aaron Eckart/Goodwin. One of the kids had something that appeared to have a tracking device on it. It looks like a paper or receipt of some kind. I take it, rip it up, and throw it out the window. I ask Goodwin if we should try to take a different route. He says no. The only other route takes us to where SHE died. I take the way he says it, or maybe I already knew, but the SHE he was talking about was his girlfriend/significant other who as killed. I put my hand on his shoulder to comfort him. The weird part was, there was another agent sitting in the back with a kid or two and there's one more kid sitting between Goodwin and I. So I have no idea how I'm able to put my hand on Goodwin's shoulder. The next part is the best part of the dream. When I pull my hand back, he takes it and holds it. Then he tells me, "I can't lose you, too."

Naturally, after the best part of the dream comes the worst part. This SUV pulls up along side us and tells us to get off at the next exit. I pull my revolver out. We get off and Goodwin gets out of the car to talk to the people. It doesn't look good. He comes back and we hand over the kids to them. The other car takes off. Goodwin is visibly upset. I put my hand on his and suggest he and I ride together in the back and let the other agent drive. He shakes his head. I'm hurt and say, okay I'll get my things. Next thing I know, he and the other agent leave and I'm standing on the side of the road. Here's where it gets really weird. My pastor and his wife pull up in their surburban. She has a receipt for me that Nina said to give to me. I have no idea what the receipt is for. Next thing I know, this guy pulls up in his car and demands I give him the receipt for the tires. I have no idea what he's talking about. The only receipt I have is the one I just got from Nina. He says that's the one. He tells me to get in the car and we're going to go for a little drive.

What happens next? I have no idea. I woke up and my heart was pounding! I couldn't go back to sleep. It must have been the adrenaline from the dream. At least I was able to hold onto that feeling when "Goodwin" took my hand and said, "I can't lose you, too."

Where did 2010 go?

Wow, has it really been that long since I last wrote in here??? Okay, so I know better than to write an entry at 2 o'dark in the morning. I'll try to keep it positive.

It is now 2011. I have been unemployed for a full year now... numerically speaking. Well, so to speak. I did some work for a friend, baby sat and picked up another friend's kid, did a short-term internship... oh yeah and did some office work for a professional sports photographer!

This past Christmas, I received a little note from two different friends in their Christmas cards. The notes told of what God did for them in 2010 and how God has blessed them. One of them talked about moving back home and the different things she's done and tried since then. The other mentioned many of God's blessings, including seven new babies in their church. SEVEN! Speaking of babies... off the top of my head I think I know or at least know of seven babies who will be born (and one already arrived) in 2011. There's Baby Hetrick born on Sunday, Baby Sule due later this month, Baby Blake due in February, my cousin's former boss is expecting a baby soon as well, Baby Jensen due in May, another baby due in June, and two more in July. Is it too early to know about babies due in August? And there are wedding bells in the not too distant future. Just not sure when yet the the Jensen-McCarville wedding will take place.

When I look back over 2010, the one thing that stands out me is God's infinite grace and mercy. He provided a job or source of income every time the previous one ended. He provided wonderful friends who were generous with more than they should have been. I pray that I can one day be able to be just as generous towards them and others in situations like the one I am in now. I am so thankful for the people and friends God has put in my life.

Who knew one small conversation in February was going to lead to an amazing work opportunity in the fall? Who knew what great friendships could be born out of something as silly as a Wolf mask/hat?

I've given up on New Year's Resolutions. They don't work. You forget about them almost as soon as you write them down. I've had the same New Year's Resolution for the last six or eight years. I don't remember how long. I wasn't asking to lose weight or make a million dollars. All I was asking for was a single date, a single kiss. Another year came and went and nothing. Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for Mr. Right. I'm in no place right now to be ready for Mr. Right. I just wish I could get to the point where I was ready to start looking. All I'm asking for is a little tiny shred of hope.