FallingLEAVes of Sunshine

Till the New Year. That means I have two hours and twenty minutes left before my 2008 New Year's resolution goes incompleted. That's okay. I can make the same resolution for 2009. A few thoughts to finish out 2008. No matter how fast you drive, you can't drive away from your feelings. No matter how loud the music is, you can't drown out your thoughts. No matter how fast you run, you can't run from yourself. These were the thoughts that was going through my mind while I was driving over to my friend's house for New Year's Eve. What thoughts were running through my mind? The same things that have been going thorugh my mind for the last ten years. Nothing much has changed. Okay, so maybe a lot has changed. But this one thing is still the same. I am still alone. Probably more alone now that I have ever been. At least, ten years ago I had Juan and Parker and Cindy and Leah. Even though at the time, I was beginning to lose Leah and Cindy. Now I have lost Parker an...

I know most people hate wearing glasses. They hate how they look in glasses. But for some guys, I think glasses look cute on them. I guess that means I have a glasses fetish. For example, I once saw a picture of Josh Groban with glasses on. It made my heart skip a beat. I loved how he looked with glasses. Not everyone looks good with glasses, I agree. But I still think glasses can enhance a person's look. For example ... I met this guy last year ... and I didn't know he wore glasses till the second time I saw him. I thought he looked nicer with the glasses on. I completely forgot about it since it was a long time before I saw him again. No glasses, of course. Then I stumbled across the picture of him with his glasses and it reminded me of how good he looked with glasses on. The first couple of guys I had crushes on back in middle school ... all wore glasses!

At last year's New Year's Eve party ... right after we rang in the new year ... I made a special New Year's resolution. I've got two days left. It's not going to happen. That's okay. I'll just make the same resolution for next year. Okay, so it's not really a New Year's resolution. More like a wish. More like a desire. More like a longing. Remember the scene in "Little Women" where Laurie is taking Amy to her Aunt March right after they find out that Beth has scarlet fever. And Amy says that she's never been kissed. She didn't want to die without ever being kissed. That's how I feel. It's not much. It's not a big deal. But I can't help but feel like I'm missing something. Another year. Who knows what this year will bring.

Why do I bother? I just checked one of my friend's pages ... and I looked at Alpha's top friends ... and I'm not even in the first ten. I've known Alpha longer than anyone in Alpha's top ten .... if you average the years Alpha's known them, I've still known Alpha much longer. Why am I surprised? I really shouldn't be. It's always been like this. Like in high school. I would go to Alpha's page ... and Alpha listed all of Alpha's friends around the border of the page. Naturally ... I didn't rank high enough to make that list. Funny. Even in college, Alpha would say I was probably the person who knew what was going on in Alpha's life. You'd think I'd figure this out by now. I keep Alpha at an arm's distance. Yet it still hurts to see that I don't matter that much to Alpha. Why does it still hurt? You'd think the distance would soften the blows. I just read a book where the main character tries to avoid a relationship ...

Merry Christmas everyone! As I was leaving work the other day, my boss asked me what I was doing for Christmas. I told her that I was spending it with Nina's family. She said, "awww, you're family doesn't celebrate Christmas, either?" I know, we've gone over this before. How my family doesn't celebrate anything. At least I have Nina's family to celebrate things with. We had dinner on Christmas Eve with Nina's extended family as well. That being the family that sponsored Nina's mother when she first came to the states. They're family to them too. We had dinner and then played some games. We played Cranium (me & Nina vs Harold & Dominic vs Jonathan & Justin). It was a close game between Nina & I and Jonathan & Justin. Harold & Dominic were behind for awhile and then caught up. We also opened presents. I wasn't expecting much. Well, I got more than I expected. I was pleasantly surprised. I usually don't expect a...

I cannot imagine what these men went through ... to save their lives ... and the lives of the other survivors of the Uruguayan Air Force Flight 571 that crashed in the Andes Mountain on October 13, 1972. The odds were against them. It was virtually impossible that anyone could have survived that plane crash. It was virtually impossible that anyone could survive in the mountains for three months on nothing but little squares of chocolate and a cap of wine. They were given up for dead. The only way out was to hike out of the mountains themselves. Even the rescuers could not believe the feat that these two men accomplished. It was not humanly possible that these two men could have trekked out of the Valley of the Tears. But they did. Their story, as gruesome and tragic as it may be, is an amazing story. A story that should never be forgotten. On this day, thirty-six years ago, these men walked not only out of the Andes Mountains ... but emerged from death to reclaim their lives. On this d...

To get my new year's resolution done. And it's not going to happen.

And fabulous it was! I found out about the event a few weeks ago via e-mail. The day came to put in my reservation ... and I nearly forgot about it! How was I invited? Because I purchased a mini-plan this year. I RSVP'ed for five people, since I didn't know who would want and who could come with me. Figured I could fit five people total in my car. Turns out I didn't need a reservation for five. Two was enough. Since the event started at noon, Kevin and I were a hour late. The first thing we had to do was check in. They were set up right outside center field. We didn't get very far into the stadium after we checked in. The first thing we did was check out the "Holiday sale" that was going on. They had all sorts of things on sale. For the most part, they were selling things that were left over from their give-away nights. They had bobble heads for two or three dollars. Since I got most of them already, I only got the Joe Torre bobble head. They had a few fleece ...

Since I last posted in here. Guess since the Dodgers are having a quiet offseason then so am I. Actually. It hasn't been that quiet for me. I just haven't gotten around to posting on here. In fact, I've been quite busy with the pen and paper. So, real quick. I've been going through a lot lately. Some of it has been reflective. Most of it self inflicted. A lot of it internal. For about a week and a half, I felt like I was walking around in a fog. A really dense fog. It was like I had these huge weights on me. Then, one day, it was like it was all gone. Okay, so not all gone. The weights, the baggage, it was still there. They were still there. But it didn't seem as bad. I don't know if I can explain what I was feeling or what I was going through. But at the time, I was having a really hard time with it. I still am. But it seems easier now. I don't know how to explain it. It's like, things got really blurry and muddled. And now even though I'm still dea...

To lose one friend after another to you? To see someone else take my place even when I'm standing right there? To know that given a choice, you would always be chosen and I will always be left alone? To see everyone rather pick you than me? To see that there is no room for me at an already crowded space? To know that I'm not wanted unless needed to be used? To know that I am not worth as much as you, that I'm not as important as you? To feel invisible? To be bound my silence when all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs? That no matter what I say or how loud, I will never be heard? That nothing that matters to me matters to anyone else? When everything I say is shot down?

What do you do when you want to talk to someone and tell someone everything that is going on ... but don't know who to talk to? What do you do when you want to talk, but at the same time, you can't. You can't find the words to say how you feel. You can't find the courage to say the words that you bury deep down in your heart, time after time. You can't find the words to say, even when your body is wrenched with heartbreaking sobs that you have buried until you couldn't dig a hole deep enough. What do you do when all you know how to do is bury your feelings so deep that it can only rise when your guard is down, when you're too tired to keep the walls up around your heart? Not sure if it's the lack of sleep talking. Or exhaustion. Or depression. Or my mind is being affected by the smoke inhalation from the fires. Or I just may be losing my mind period. Because all I know is. Tomorrow is another day. Everything that bubbled up to the surface tonight we be p...

Los Angeles times article about the documentary http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-stranded7-2008nov07,0,4314034.story Video about the documentary

I want to drive all the way out to Santa Monica to watch a movie on Tuesday. Why Santa Monica? What movie? Santa Monica because that is the closest theater that is showing "Stranded: I've Come from a Plane That Crashed on the Mountains". Can you guess what the movie is about??? If not, here are some reviews. http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/1101/p25s03-almo.html http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/10009384-stranded/ http://fest08.sffs.org/films/film_details.php?id=81 http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/11/07/DDLD13VV9H.DTL&feed=rss.entertainment I confess. As a kid, my favorite movies were "La Bamba" and "Alive". Which explained my fear of flying till I was about 19. I have read the book by Piers Paul Read. When I went to buy it, it was in the sports section, believe it or not. More recently, I bought Nando Parrado's book, Miracle in the Andes. For those of you unfamiliar with the fate of those aboard Uruguayan Air Force Flight 571, ...

Initially I wanted to post this ASAP but when I got home on Friday night, my internet decided not to work. So, here it is ... a day late. On Friday, I went to the Top of the Park gift store at Dodger Stadium to get two birthday presents. After I bought my purchase, I went to take a look at the field. Since I had my camera with me, I wanted to get shots of the field since they had some Halloween decorations up. I wanted to get a picture of the Dodgers dug out. In order to do that, I had to walk over to the one side of the Top Deck. I had noticed the Hollywood sign and the Griffith Park Observatory and just finished taking some photos of those when I noticed someone was talking to the two guys sitting in the top deck. This is what probably went through my mind at that moment: OH MY GOODNESS! THAT'S FRANK McCOURT! IT'S FRANK McCOURT! As in ... the man who owns the Dodgers! (Not the author). Seeing as I missed my photo opportunity with Jamie McCourt at the last Dodger game I went t...

Where do I begin??? Saturday, we went to a symphony. Sherisse got tickets through her music teacher. During the first part (there were three parts), it was a Beethoven piece. Towards the end of the piece, I accidentally tapped the chair of the guy in front of me with my foot. He whips his head around, and very nastily says "Can you stop doing that?" He looked furious enough to punch me! That's how mad he was. As soon as he whipped around, I started saying "I'm sorry". Sherisse dropped her bobby pins on him earlier. I think she might've tapped his chair as well. Either way, I guess I was the straw that broke the camel's back. I wouldn't have thought anything of it except for the nasty way he said it. Today ... I was folding some sweaters and a customer asked me, "what's the style?" I told her, "it's just a V-neck sweater." She gets mad at me and says angrily, "JUST A V-NECK? I CANNOT OPEN IT? I CANNOT OPEN IT??...

Okay, so now I'm 24. Nina and I went to school then met up with Angelina for lunch at Islands. Angelina had gone to Marshall's earlier, so Nina and I went because she said there was a bunch of Dodgers stuff on sale. I got two t-shirts for Joanne. I also found a Red Sox book for Sherisse and a framed photo of Nomar for Angelina. Why am I saying this on my blog? Pretty certain they don't read it ... at least I don't think they do. So if they know what I got them, then I guess they do read this. Nina wanted to find the Boston book, so we went to another Marshall's that was close so she could find one. Instead, she found a Dodgers' warm up jacket (authentic Majestic one too!!!) for 20. Wow. I went home and took some pictures of the stray kitties in my backyard. I heard a strange popping noise when I was walking back to my car. Not sure what it was. Well guess what? I was trying to take some pictures tonight and my FLASH wouldn't work!!! Was that the popping nois...

Okay, so it's been a long time since I've written anything in here (especially anything NOT related to the Dodgers). Now that the season is over, I've gotten quite a bit of time to reflect. Especially so since my 24th birthday is right around the corner. And to be honest ... my birthday wish has been the same thing for the longest time now. It's the same as my New Year's resolution/wish/whatever. I'm not asking for much, really. It's not like I keep wishing for a husband, because I'm not. All I'm asking for is to go out on my first date before I'm 25. All I want to is have my first kiss before I'm 25. All I want is to know how it feels to hold a guy's hand, to be hugged in a "more than friend or acquaintance" way, to be asked out by a guy who I'll actually say yes to (not some random stranger or someone who's twice my age or not someone who I just plain didn't like or not someone who was asking but only as a joke and...

Now if you thought the results of Game One was bad ... don't even look for a summary of Game two. It was awful. They played like the Cubs. In fact ... they may have played WORSE! It took four pitchers to get out of the third inning! Need I say more??? Let's hope we can sweep them at home and steal one more from them to get to the world Series. They need to stop playing like the Cubs and play like we know they can play!!!

On the street, of course. By a complete total stranger. Of course. After work, I had to go to Nina's. But I stopped by a used book store. I was looking for a specific book. When I found it, I took it to the counter to pay for it. As I was paying for it, this older Hispanic guy came up to the counter too. He asked, "So you found something interesting?" He looked at the book and said, "oh, gossip." Since he was totally wrong and didn't know what he was talking about, I didn't bother answering him. I paid and left. He followed. He then asked "Hey girl how are you doing? Can I buy you a drink?" I said a quick no and kept walking. Why do I always get the random strangers??

Where is the moment we needed the most / You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost You tell me your blue skies fade to grey / You tell me your passion's gone away And I don't need no carryin' on You stand in the line just to hit a new low / You're faking a smile with the coffee to go You tell me your life's been way off line / You're falling to pieces everytime And I don't need no carryin' on Because you had a bad day /You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know /You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day / The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day / You had a bad day And I thought Ryan Doumit was having a bad day on Monday. Who's that? He's the catcher for the Pirates. I was watching the dodgers/Pirates game on Monday. Doumit was hit by a pitch by Kuroda (I think that was who was pitching) ...

So I looked up an old friend on Myspace and was about to leave him a comment ... but changed my mind about it. Why? Because I haven't talked to him in forever. I haven't left him a comment since his birthday I think. As I thought about what to say him, there was nothing I could think of that didn't come out awkwardly. Too much time has passed and we've gone our different ways. It's probably best if I just let the past go. We had good times in high school, but that was a long time ago. We had good times in college, but that was awhile ago. We've changed a lot since then. We're no longer the people we were. And I think we've changed too much to try to overcome it. Sad, but true. Just like I am realizing I really have to let go of some people from my past. One such person who has since disappeared out of my life. And I've come to realize that I have to let go of who this person was, because obviously it's not who he is now. I've come to realize...

Vote for JAMES LONEY here ... Other candidates for the Roberto Clemente Award are ... American Leage Melvin Mora Jermaine Dye Magglio Ordonez Justin Speier Johnny Damon Raul Ibanez Kevin Milwood Kevin Youkilis Grady Sizemore Mark Teahen Michael Cuddyer Mark Ellis Carlos Pena Vernon Wells National League Brandon Webb Ryan Dempster Jeff Francis Lance Berkman Jeff Suppan Jimmy Rollins Albert Pujols Kevin Frandsen Tim Hundson Brandon Phillips Luis Gonzalez James Loney David Wright Jack Wilson Trevor Hoffman Joel Hanrahan

And it certainly wasn't a happy ending. I get to work, and an hour into my shift, one of my regular customers show up. I let her browse around. She spoke with one of the other associates. But then she comes to me and asks me to put two things on the counter for her. I do. She goes to use the restroom. When she comes out, the other associate approaches her again. My customer tells her that I am helping her, and the associate tells her my name. My customer looks at me and tells me that she realizes she didn't know my name. The associate proceeds to tell my customer her name. Well, my customer goes over to a table of sweaters and starts going through them. I go over and help her try on several sweaters. I notice the other associate talking the with key holder, in their language of course. And from the way they were looking at me, I knew that they were talking about me. The associate's shift ended and she left. My customer was ready with a purchase for herself, a friend, and he...

In approximately eight hours, I will be making another trip to the DMV ... the third day in row ... fifth DMV office total. Why??? Because my dad needs to get his registration sticker for his car. Why do I have to go? Because his English isn't good enough. Let's start at the beginning. August 11 Nina and I go to DMV #1 to pay for his registration and fill out the application for her CA i.d. card. I pay for his registration, but they won't give me a sticker because we have to send something to the state DMV for our proof of financial responsibility. And he needed a smog test. Nina didn't get her ID because they couldn't find her in the system via her social. August 25 I call the state DMV to find out if they received our "proof of financial responsibility" and yes, they did. I take my dad's car to get a smog check, and yes, I survived. Driving his car is like choosing a slow agonizing death from either suffocation or from the heat or asphyxiation (isn...

Okay, so last week I went to the Chad Billinsley signing at the AT&T store on Wilshire. There were two lines, one for "Dodger Fanatics" and one for "AT&T Customers." They let the "AT&T Customers" go first ... even though my friends and I were the first ones in line and we had showed up at 8. But that's okay, because they let us in after the first ten of the "AT&T Customers". Today, there was an autograph signing for Andre Ethier at the AT&T store in Culver City. Because I had to be at work at two o'clock, we left at seven to get there. Naturally, we were the first ones there. After about four hours of waiting, they announced that they were going to let all the "AT&T Customers" go first before even TOUCHING the other line. You can imagine how upset I was and the people in line with me. We had been in line longer than anyone else. And with the long "AT&T Customers" line ... there was NO WAY we...

Randy Wolf's new number on the Astros is 39. 39. 3 + 9 does not equal 7. Every uniform number he has had always equaled seven. Why? It has something to do with his parents and when they got married. Hmm maybe Scott and BR should ask him that next time they talk to him. And I hope they talk to him soon.

The Joe Beimel Bobblehead Joe signing my scrapbook Okay, so it's been almost a week. But my computer at home hasn't been recognizing my camera. And I didn't want to put up a post until I uploaded some pictures. I was only able to take four. Being first in line means you don't get to take as many photos. But it does mean you get to take close ups with no one in front of you. Where did this begin? Well, on Thursday night's game, they announced that Joe Beimel was going to be signing autographs from noon to one at Staples in Burbank. I got super excited. Joe Beimel. Okay, so I'm like the only person besides Troy from West Virginia to get excited over an autograph from Joe Beimel. And if you don't know the story yet, Troy from West Virginia is a huge Joe Beimel fan. He has an EIGHT MINUTE video called "The Legend of Joe Beimel ." I'm only going to link the original video, but there are more out there now. Onto the signing ... Kevin and I get there ...

I got in the car this morning and put on XX sports radio for my drive to work. Right before 12:48, they were talking about Randy Wolf and there were some hot trade rumors going on. One source was saying he was in the club house. Another source was saying Randy wasn't going to be a Padre very much longer. And they were talking hours. They went to break at 12:48. And right when they came back, they confirmed it. Randy Wolf was TRADED to the ASTROS. Say it isn't so. Scott and BR must be bummed. I hope they chat to Randy about it. I was bummed. I spent most of the short drive to work yelling at the radio. Sadly ... the Astros don't play the Padres or the Dodgers at all the rest of the season. There goes my chances of seeing Randy in any kind of uniform this year. Sigh. I was planning on taking the week off when San Diego comes to LA in September. I still probably will just because I'm planning on going to two of the three games that week. I was hoping to go to all three and...

A year ago today, thirty-five year old Mike Coolbaugh was struck by a line drive as he stood in the first-base coaching box. He was the first base coach for the Tulsa Drillers, the AA affiliate of the Colorado Rockies. A year ago today, a wife lost her husband, their two sons lost their father, and their unborn daughter would never know her father. I wanted to make an entry in his memory. So this day won't be forgotten. So he won't be forgotten. When the Rockies made their improbable run to the playoffs, and an even more improbable run to the World Series, I was rooting them on ... not only because of their incredible winning ... but for Mike. For his family. And the Rockies organization showed that they take care of their own. They voted that a World Series share would go to his family. That's something else. His wikipedia file and the ESPN article . I think about this tragedy at every game when I see Bowa or Duncan standing in their respective coaching boxes. I remember...

Interesting ... I was checking my stats and noticed that I was getting a lot of referrals from a Criminal Minds website. Curiosity got the better of me. So I went over there and checked it out. Lo and behold ... there was one of my pictures! And below it said: "Fan Takes Criminal Minds Set Photos Interesting Blog Post with actual Criminal Minds Amateur Photos taken. A Criminal Minds fan takes a few snapshots of the set and actors of an episode being filmed in front of her house. The blog is worth taking a look at. It is always fun seeing the behind scenes set ups. Actual Site with Actual Amateur Street Pictures from a Criminal Minds Episode" Funny thing was ... at the time I wasn't a Criminal Minds fan! I am now. I wish I was then. I would certainly have taken MORE photos and taken photos of the actual cast. Cool. The only other person's blog I know I make appearances on is Ernesto's Dodger blog.

At work today, I told my boss, "I'm going to laugh if Kuroda pitches a complete game shut out." What I should've said was a perfect game. Because guess what? Hiroki Kuroda pitched a COMPLETE GAME SHUT OUT, allowing only ONE hit, no walks. He was ONE hit short of a perfect game. And why is this funny? I had tickets to the game. Why didn't I go? I had to work. It's funnier because I mentioned the above quote before the game even started. Hilarious. I turned on the radio just in time for the final two outs. The reception wasn't the greatest, but I got the last two outs of the game. I really really HOPE this game is available on ITunes MLB.com games of the year. When was the last time a Dodger pitcher pitched TWO complete game shutouts in the same season? When was the last time any pitcher pitched two complete game shutouts?

One more week of the "first half" left to go. National League East W L PCT GB Philadelphia 48 41 .539 - Florida 45 43 .511 2.5 New York 44 44 .500 3.5 Atlanta 42 47 .472 6.0 Washington 34 56 .378 14.5 Central W L PCT GB Chicago 53 36 .596 - Milwaukee 49 39 .557 3.5 St. Louis 50 40 .556 3.5 Cincinnati 43 47 .478 10.5 Houston 41 48 .461 12.0 Pittsburgh 40 47 .460 12.0 West W L PCT GB Arizona 44 45 .494 - Los Angeles 43 45 .489 0.5 San Francisco 39 50 .438 5.0 Colorado 37 52 .416 7.0 ...

National League East W L Pct GB Philadelphia Phillies 44 39 .530 -- Florida Marlins 42 39 .519 1.0 New York Mets 40 41 .494 3.0 Atlanta Braves 40 43 .482 4.0 Washington Nationals 33 50 .398 11.0 Central W L Pct GB Chicago Cubs 49 33 .598 -- St. Louis Cardinals 47 36 .566 2.5 Milwaukee Brewers 44 37 .543 4.5 Houston Astros 39 43 .476 10.0 Pittsburgh Pirates 38 43 .469 10.5 Cincinnati Reds 38 45 .458 11.5 ...

Today was a fairly decent day at work. After work, I went out with Sarah and Rachel for dinner. We went to Mimi's Cafe, hadn't gone there in awhile. Then I went to Nina's to feed the dog. I get home, and my mom tells me to call Tina (in case you're wondering ... she's a relative who I share the same parents with, but I will not call her the title for someone who is related to you and you have the same parents). I call her. She tells me that she's moving back in on Tuesday and needs either my room or the room my brother is in. What the heck? How does she expect us to empty out one of our rooms for her in less than two days? In fact, I only have ONE day to do all this. And why? Because I have no backbone. Neither do my parents. Because they are letting her move back in. And letting her take over. Because that's what she does. She takes over. She steamrolls anyone who gets in her way. Not only does she expect me to give up my room ... but she also expects me to...

Geoff Blum talks on the Scott and BR show about what went down between Astros' pitcher Shawn Chacon and general manager Ed Wade. Also appearing on the Scott and BR show earlier this week was umpire Jim Wolf , the older brother of Padres (former Phillies' and Dodgers') pitcher Randy Wolf. Believe it or not ... someone picked up pitcher Brett Tomko (aka Bombko). Who would be fool enough to pick him up? The same team who picked him up towards the end of last year. The Padres. Guess third time's the charm. Different situation coming in this time. Last time, when they signed him, they were in a tight race for the pennant. I think he was a big part of the reason why the Padres didn't make it to the play-offs. This time, he comes in ... and the Padres are already in the basement. Guess they figured it couldn't get any worse, right? Hmmm maybe they'll pick up Loaiza next. Isn't there a saying that goes... "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame...

LA Angels 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 5 2 LA Dodgers 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 X 1 0 2 WP: C. Billingsley (7-7) S: T. Saito (12) LP: J. Weaver (7-8) Ok, so I can't get the Box Sc...

That's right. Shut out. As in ZEROs all across the board. The Dodgers BEAT the White Sox today, FIVE to ZERO, with ERIC STULTS pitching NINE shut out innings. When the top of the ninth came, I was very EXCITED to see Eric Stults come out and finish the game. I'm going to make this real quick. This time, I went to the game with Nina, Kevin, Sherisse, Roxie, Jon, and their girls Julia and Natalie. Man, you thought the White Sox were going to get ahead in the very first inning when they had Pierzynski on third base, Dye on first ... but thankfully Swisher flew out to end the inning. Then the Dodgers struck in their half of the first inning. Pierre singled, stole second, and advanced to third on the error by Pierzynski. Then Ethier singled him in. Ethier himself got to third when Kent reached safely on the error by Dye. Martin brought home Ethier and advanced Kent to third. Unfortunately, Kent would be thrown out at home in the following play. Kevin noticed an interesting thing. Wh...