Thursday, January 15, 2009

Eighteen Days

Eighteen posts in eighteen days. And I'm starting to wonder ... what do I write about now?

We're fifteen days into the New Year. I haven't given much thought about my New Year's "Wish". It's the same one as last year. But I haven't given that much thought about it. Nor have I given it any hope. It's hopeless. And it's funny because it's like a huge roller coaster ride. I go through these periods where I am totally okay with it. I don't think about it. I don't worry about it. And it doesn't bug me. Those are the up parts of the roller coaster ride. Then there are the moments where the coaster just crashes and I feel like my world is falling apart and I'm all alone. I just have to ride it out till the coaster goes back up again.

It's funny because I've been watching "Jon and Kate Plus 8". It's funny because I am so glad my life isn't so complicated or chaotic. It's a rather boring life actually. So boring, that I don't know why I bother keeping up with a blog. But I like to write. A lot. It's funny because I want and don't want to be married with kids. Why? I want to have a husband and kids because I want to love and be loved. I want to find that "happily ever after" that doesn't exist. I want to find that "special someone" who I can spend the rest of my life with. But at the same time, I don't want to give up my freedom. I don't want to give up the things that I love to do and the things that make me ... me. Maybe that's why I like being single so much. I can take off and not worry about a family or a husband or a boyfriend. I can go to as many Dodger games I want and not worry about a family budget or who has the kids or that kind of stuff. So, I've got to find this place in my life where I am content with who I am and content with being single.

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