Happy New Year!

May this year be better than the year before. I don't know how the year could be any worse. Actually, I do. Because in a few weeks or months ... it could be worse than last year. Then again, it may not happen and this year could be better than last. Nothing really sticks out to me from 2008. Except maybe all the Dodger games and events that I went to. But is that really how I want to sum up 2008?

You know that Christmas song by Mariah Carey, "All I Want for Christmas is You"? Because that's all I want for 2009. That special someone. Except, I know that I would screw up any relationship if I could ever get any guy to ask me out. Never will happen. After all, I did read it somewhere that men can smell desperation and neediness a mile away. And that sends them away like a skunk in a house full of people.

I don't want to be the kind of girlfriend who's needy and clingy. But I'm afraid that I might be that kind of girlfriend. Because I've never been in a relationship before. I've never dated. I've never been asked out on a serious date before. I can count on one hand how many times I've been asked out by someone I know. And I wouldn't even need half the fingers on my hand. Then there's then number of times that I've been asked out by a complete stranger. I can't tell you how many times I've met a guy that I liked ... and be completely mortified by it later on. I can't tell you how many guys I've liked ... who are now married to someone else.

Face it. I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. However short it may be. I just wish I could know how it feels to be the apple of someone's eye. I just wish I could know how it feels to be held in someone's arms. I just wish that "Happily Ever After" could really happen to me. I just wish that I could know how it feels to have someone who finds me attractive, who wants to spend time with me, who wants to hear my voice every day, who wants to have me be the first person they see in the morning, and the last person they see at night. I just wish that I could find someone who would want to spend the rest of our lives together.

Face it. I will never find someone like that. Because sometimes even I don't feel that way about msyelf. Okay, so most of the time.

Face it. "Happily Ever After" only happens in the movies.